Hard Limits and Soft Limits: The Changing BDSM Bed

   

The role of power in any BDSM bedroom is central, and can create some intense pleasure if you know how to work it. Early on in a Master and slave relationship, it’s likely that there will be some negotiating regarding certain parameters, not only for safety reasons but also to make each and every session an amazing one. *g* Those parameters are formally referred to as limits, either hard or soft. At the beginning, no doubt you’ll talk together about what each of your wants ideally, and the things that one or the other categorically opposes— absolutely will not do—as well as the things that each of you might do. All the categorical NO’s are called the Hard Limits. The Maybe’s are the Soft Limits. Seems easy enough, right? .

 
We’re all changing all the time though, so it makes sense that in our sexy BDSM worlds, our desires and limits will evolve as the experience evolves. You’re only a beginner for so long, until you realize that you’re getting damn good at spanking, or being spanking, or channeling certain types of hot-and-heavy pain into a deep pleasure. It never takes very long to get there, does it…*wink* It’s no secret that Soft Limits are part of that ever-changing process as your BDSM desires grow. Maybe’s are maybe’s because of uncertainty. But the Hard Limits are more complicated, because when we make decisions, they are because we know ourselves and what we want.

Maybe when it all started, as a sub, your Hard Limits included no caning and no inflatable toys involved. You felt really strongly about having that kind of play excluded, no matter what. But, sometime amidst all the different play, some pretty heavy duty Whips made their way into the fun, and the sensation drove you wild, sending orgasmic hot blood rushing through your body. I can almost feel it now, just mentioning it!*g*

All of a sudden, using Canes started to sound sexy and appealing. This is probably a good time to start rethinking those original parameters. If one desire is changing, it makes sense that more changes are happening too, so take some time to talk some more with your Dom/me or sub and come up with new limits. After all, you wouldn’t want to miss out on certain types of fun! BDSM for many people is about growing together in the relationship, becoming great Masters and slave as a pair. It starts off tamer than it ends up. Pain tolerance grows, emotional bonds strengthen, and these factors create a more intense dynamic can change a person’s view altogether.

Keep in mind that just because your Hard Limits may change, doesn’t mean that new Hard Limits won’t develop. There is also the possibility that after trying something and not enjoying it, it’s important to voice that development. When first trying something that was once a Hard Limit, it might be a good idea to have a trial run at it, see how playing it out in a scene or a session works out. The results might surprise you! *g* And Hard Limits can resurface, just like they can disappear. Communication is so essential in all of this because it will ensure the best and most satisfying experience for everyone involved. It’s all about pleasure and fun, and the best way to know how to bring that to Master, or to your kinky little slave, is to let each other know!

 
When I was first getting into BDSM, I had a lot of anal limits, mainly regarding size and pressure restrictions. I loved Anal Toys made of soft materials like rubber and jelly. But as my ass became accustomed to more, (and more, and more! *g*), the idea of using Glass and Steel anal toys started to pique my interest. The idea of more pressure, and harder, left me wanting more. So Master and I started with small glass and steel toys, and slowly, gently. The best way to introduce a new toy into a session is to make sure you’re already turned on, doing things you KNOW bring you to ultimate pleasure and then bringing in the new. With a relaxed body and mind, the transition will likely go smoothly. In my case, those slick toys were oh-so-smooth, I was ALL ABOUT IT in no time! *g*

 
An evolving BDSM bedroom is usually inevitable, because we all change as time goes by. Just go with the flow of it, keeping the lines of communication open with your Dom/me or sub to ensure the most pleasure for all involved! Hard and Soft Limits have to be discussed and respected no matter what. You never know how the power play involved in BDSM will change you as a person, and when you least expect it, you might find that something like sensory deprivation with a Blindfold isn’t good enough anymore—now you’re ready for some erotic Hood play, even though that may have been one of your original Hard Limits! What a sexy surprise! *g*