Yes Means Yes

    

George Michael said it best, way back in 1987: Sex is natural, sex is fun. If you’re not having fun during your play time with your partner, there’s something terribly wrong. Sex can be beautiful, or painful, or introspective. It can be a quick romp against a wall or an hours-long session full of screaming orgasms. No matter what your style, ending with a smile on your face is important. This is why getting consent before you start playing is so crucial to any healthy sexual relationship.

What’s in a Word?
There’s a reason why the word sensual is in consensual. Consent is sexy. Knowing your partner is willing to take whatever you’re going to give him or her is a huge turn on, whether you’re tying her down with Bondage Wrap to make her squirm and moan or bending him over to take a new Dildo until he begs for release. In addition, having consent will often allow you and your partner to feel more secure in exploring various parts of your sexuality that you may not be completely sure of quite yet.

The Safety Dance
Once you’re in the heat of the moment, you may lose track of everything but the sensations that are flowing between you and your lover. This is why having a safety word is so important. The word has to be something so different from everything else in your play time vocabulary that uttering it will be a shock to hear. This is very important! Saying “no”, “don’t”, or “stop” can be and often is part of the turn-on for some people’s play time, which is why these words are not effective to get your partner’s attention. In contrast, crying out something completely bizarre like “palm frond!”, “ketchup!”, or “cardinal!” is such a different sound that it’s easy to understand and recognize as a sign that something isn’t right. Decide and agree on your safety word in advance of play time, and if your partner uses it, respect the importance of it and stop play right away.

Understanding Boundaries
After you have consent, and have a safety word established, it’s free going, right? Not always. Your partner may have things he or she may not be ready to try in the bedroom. Don’t pressure them! Part of being a good lover is having and using the knowledge about what turns your partner on, in addition to what turns them off. Remember: sexy Pain: good! Emotional pain: not so good. Besides, the only flames you want to kindle when you get ready for some Hot Wax Play are those of passion, not a fight over fire safety.

Access Granted
If everything is a go, you’re ready to play! Building a toy box full of things your lover is completely comfortable with, in addition to some things that he or she may not be so sure about, is a great way to open dialogue about what you want in the bedroom. If your partner is on the fence about trying something, let them see you enjoy it. Putting on a show for your lover can be incredibly erotic, whether you’re pleasing yourself with a quivering Toy or dressing up in some sexy Sheer Lingerie. Showing someone you care about how much fun they can have may be just the push they need to get off the fence and join you between the sheets.

Permission Denied
Sometimes, things just don’t work out. It happens to the best of us. Maybe it’s a headache, maybe it’s a work deadline, maybe is a poorly timed leg cramp when things are just starting to heat up. No matter what the reason, if the safety word is used, or consent is never established beforehand, respect it. Your partner is just that: your partner. Even the most submissive slave gave his or her master consent before entering into the relationship, and has a safe word set up in case something goes awry. Part of being a good lover is being an understanding one, as well. Respect your partner – and yourself – and keep things fun for everyone.

While it seems to be a bit of a serious subject for a website that specializes in so much fun, consent is something that is crucial to having and maintaining a happy, healthy sex life. Play time is so much more fun when everyone is enjoying themselves, so make sure everyone is in agreement before starting. Have fun, stay sexy, and remember, yes means yes!