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Is it Time? The Right Time to Have Sex

Dating is hard enough as it is, so figuring out the right time to engage in a sexual relationship can make you question everything about life and everything else (although this may not be totally true…isn’t the answer always 42? geek reference, sorry, couldn’t help it wink*) Now, seriously, almost anyone who has experienced dating is aware of the hard realities and the confusing middle part when you are not sure if you should go for it and put sex on the table or if it is too soon and you will be rejected…has anyone ever successfully recovered from it? (If you have, please let me know what your M.O was wink*)

If you guide yourself with science, this field says you should wait at least three months before having sex with a new partner. In these modern times, when we tend to get used to immediate things, that time period may seem like a lot. But Science has a point here so let’s read about it. Relationships built on instant sexual pleasure create a sort of ‘pleasure addiction’ in the brain. And as any addiction, you will experience lows after a while. These lows can be translated to loneliness and depression that will create a negative impact in your relationship. So according to Science, you should wait a few months in order to build your relationship on other things other than sex; things like common interests and a similar sense of humor will be a better base for you in the long term.

So basically, it boils down to connection. And connection can come in different ways. If you get rid of sex in the dating equation, you will be left with having to find other things in common. So for example, if you two may love playing tennis, you could sign up for classes or games and either play against each other or play as partners. Or let’s say you like to cook, so going together and figuring out a recipe, then buying the ingredients and finally coming together and cooking side by side, may be a great bonding opportunity. This is true most especially if you eat something you have created together. These kinds of experiences create a special bonding time, so when you finally have sex, it will be extra special because you already have a connection. Some say it is even more intense most especially when you are having sex with someone who is your close friend. Feelings intensify everything, but keep in mind that is not always a bad thing!

However, if you are having a wonderful first date, you can also go for it. Sometimes you have a special connection from the start and you simply don’t want the date to end. Science says it is rare that relationships based on sex will last long, but that is not always the case. Everyone is different, so if you feel there is something special there (other than just sexual attraction) and you feel it could lead to a bigger relationship, there is not a written rule that says you shouldn’t have sex on the very first date. As you can see, this is not always a black and white subject.

And this leads to my final point: you should have sex if you want to have sex. No matter what Science or other people may say, everyone’s case can be quite different. If both of you want to move forward with it on that first date, on the second date or six months after you’ve started dating, by all means go ahead and do it.

The most important thing is both of you are on the same page; for instance, if you want to have sex right away and your partner wants to wait until you have known each other longer, you are not on the same page. This means you may not be sexually compatible. Now, this doesn’t mean one of you will compromise (sexual compatibility can be worked on) but sometimes the values and nature of a person can make it impossible to have a relationship with if there is no way to reconcile them with your own. And if this happens, it is okay, there are plenty of fishes in the sea.

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