1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW with heated seats than on a bicycle in the rain.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the a##hole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again. But you also made a friend for life.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. Wine says you are a very good dancer and Vodka says dance on the tabletops with people you don't know.
6. There are more uses for ball gags than we can all comprehend. Mother in law that won't be quiet - Ballgag. Tired of always putting your foot in your mouth....try a ballgag! Ever wanted to sound like a Muppet? Ball gag
May you carry these very important words with you everywhere.
Autumn's Irrelevant P.S. - Glitter is unicorn jizz. That is what makes it awesome. :)