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Bondage Aftercare: How to Deal with the BDSM Drop

 

Communication is vital at every stage, including in the aftermath of a scene. When you build a scene in real time and you both get hot and sweaty and then orgasm and are so exhausted you don’t even argue over who gets the wet spot, it is easy to forget what should come afterward. Negotiations should always allow for time afterward to discuss how playtime went. Maybe some little triggers were tweaked, or maybe things went great. You need to be able to communicate with your partner about what you both just did. Sometimes people can experience Top Drop or Sub Drop and become quite emotionally fragile.

It’s quite common; here you are a big bad Dominant, twisting the above-mentioned nipples and making your partner squeal and writhe, watching his face contort as you apply force and your will to his engorged nipples pinched cruelly with a cheap, tawdry clothespin. You have that feeling of power hungrily flipping over in your belly like an electric eel, your eyes narrow as you apply a little more pressure to see just how far he can take it before backing off. You see him relax a bit and then you twist it back again and push things just a little bit further while his mouth opens in a breathless O. Looking deep into his eyes that are beginning to pool, you see his chest start rising quickly as he pants through the pain with you snuggling your lips up to his ear, the pink flick of your tongue riming the outer edge and whispering, “Just take a little more, do it for me, please….”.

You need to be emotionally aware of some of the feelings that might arise from this kind of play. I will let you in on a little secret. Want to hear about the hardest thing I have ever done in kinky play? Out of all of the experiences I have had there is one moment that stands out head and shoulders above the rest. Out of all the years and variety of play, of sharing moments with partners where we laugh, they cry, I laugh cruelly, they cry some more and they shiver with delight as we enjoy this lovely dance that we do between one another, there is one moment that I will never forget.

Spanking my girlfriend for the very first time. I had met this wonderful girl on a bright summer day years ago, just before I discovered kinky play had a label; we started dating and fell for each other. We fooled around for a month or two and had explored all kinds of fun vanilla sex together when one night she turned to me and with a wicked gleam in her eye said, “I want you to spank me, I have been a very bad girl.” I was game; I loved her, she was beautiful and we shared such passion. She climbed across my lap on her cheap Ikea couch under the decorative mosquito netting with tea lights strewn about the room creating a mellow and romantic mood. I smoothed my large hand across her ass and raised it sharply and then— Nothing. I couldn’t do it. I really wanted to, but being brought up in a society where it is unacceptable to hit women, I had all of these conflicting emotions running through me. I wanted to put aside my societal conditioning and I tried and tried to bring that hand down smartly across her writhing ass. I would smooth her butt with my hand and then bring it up again to strike and I would feel all the energy leave my arm like an electrical appliance that had just had the power cut. WTF? Here was a squirming, beautiful woman I loved who was good to go and what was this problem I was having? I felt a three-way tug of war between my emotions, my thoughts, and my physical being. She begged and squirmed, her little ass rising up like that of a kitty in heat and still—nothing from me. It was amazing that I couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t until much later that I was able to reconcile myself to this being consensual, and was able to let go and spank her bottom till it was red and rosy—but I will never forget that mental hurdle that I had to jump over first. So, I always advice tops to prepare themselves for any kind of drop that might happen. After all, who needs unpleasant surprises?