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BDSM Rules: Yes they Exist

I always find it funny to see the reactions I get when I discuss the rules of a BDSM relationship. There are those that appear shocked that something as raw and raunchy as BDSM could have rules. There are others that think I mean things like what to eat and how to dress. Sometimes I just have to laugh.

To clear things up, yes some BDSM relationships have contracts that go all the way to diet; but not all of them do. When I speak of rules I am speaking of a general set of rules that every couple involved in BDSM should adhere to. Some will be adapted based on the partnership, but overall they are common rules to live by.

Why would a BDSM relationship have rules? Well, that answer has two parts. First off, any relationship has rules. They just aren't often discussed as being such. A prime example is monogamy. That is a rule that most have with their relationships. They just don't call it a rule. It's more of an expectation.

The second part is that BDSM often ventures into territory that is borderline dangerous. It is important to have rules in place so that neither partner gets hurt.

What are the rules? Here are a few that should never be overlooked.

  1. Communication

BDSM is an active role playing lifestyle that brings the idea of sexual fantasies to the extreme. There are things involved in this lifestyle that invoke pleasure in most participants. However, not every person likes every thing. It's not fair to assume that because someone is a sub or because they are a dom that they will like the same things as the last person.

It's also not fair to assume that your partner should just know what you want and don't want. If you are going to role play with someone it is imperative that your communication be active and consistent. That way they always know what they are dealing with when it comes to you as their partner.

  1. Adherence

BDSM partners often discuss and understand what is and is not acceptable to their partner. It is very important that this be adhered to. Before anything new is added, especially something that isn't widely accepted, a talk about it should be had.

Just because someone likes to be spanked, for example, does not mean that they want to be choked. This is a discussion that should be had prior to stepping into new territory.

On the flip side of that idea, when you agree to something it is important that you adhere to it. DO not offer to be submissive, agree to a particular action and then not do it. It defeats the purpose of having a submissive. Same with dominant. Don't agree to restrain her and then refuse. If its something that you aren't comfortable with, discuss that.

  1. Safety

In the BDSM world safety means far more than a condom. It could be life or death, pain or pleasure. Always use safety precautions. This includes utilizing and paying attention to safe words. They are there for a reason.

Don't use devices that may harm your partner. That is also important. Keep your toys and aids clean and taken care of.

Use protection if your relationship isn't monogamous. Don't give your partner an infection or disease. Remember that they are trusting you.

Never participate in things like choking and fisting without understand the hows and whys.

You should always put the safety of yourself and your partner ahead of any pleasure. Because things won't be fun if one of you ends up hurt, or something worse.