Sex should be fun. Sex should be thrilling. Sex should be exciting. Unless your only intention for sexual encounters is procreation, then you should be having one hell of a good time. If you are not, then it's time to change things.
One of the biggest reasons women become unhappy with their sex life is simply routine. We have our comfort zones and we dive deep into them and refuse to leave. But why do we do that and how can we change it?
Truth is, women are insecure by nature. It's in our makeup to feel less than enough in some way. Add to that society, family, friends and a bad lover. It leaves us with the distinct idea that we are always lacking something that would make us perfect. Even the most confident and secure women still have things they wish they could change.
Sex makes us vulnerable. We are baring all for our lovers. Our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our thoughts, our skills, our lack of skills; everything is spread out for him to see and judge. So we find those things we can handle and we refuse to go anywhere else.
I know a woman that lives a life of men telling her how beautiful she is all the time. And in the bedroom she will try anything. As long as you leave the lights off. She is so uncertain of the extra flab from having children and the shape of her ass that she refuses to be seen even though there are countless men who would be set for life just to have a chance to see her. It's sad really, and it needs to stop. But how?
Stepping outside of the comfortable is hard in any circumstance. Sexually, it's damn near impossible. Whether it's fear of how we are viewed, fear of failure or just fear of it being something bad, it's all based in fear. The first thing we have to do is to stop being afraid.
You have those comfort zones to keep you from becoming too vulnerable. Whether it's sexually or not, vulnerability is risky. But what you have to realize is that you are already vulnerable. Sex itself makes you vulnerable. Loving someone makes you vulnerable. Saying I think you are exceptionally attractive makes you vulnerable. Everything you do, day in and day out, is risky. You could be hurt. You could get embarrassed. You could fail.
Short of wrapping yourself in a bubble wrap, slipping inside a protective bubble and refusing to interact with the rest of the population; there is no way to avoid taking risks. And if you figure out how to do that successfully please share. So the question is, if you are already taking risks and being vulnerable then why not go big or go home?
Stop living a life of safety and boredom. Trust in the person you are with. If you have enough trust to get naked and give them inside access to your body, then you should have enough trust to at least try something for them. Or hell, try it for yourself. Trust in yourself.
Knowing what you like is fine. There is nothing wrong with enjoying something and repeating it because of that. But do you know how you discovered that you liked it? You tried it! So how do you have a clue that something would make you uncomfortable or unhappy if you haven't even given it a chance? If he makes a request it is because he finds it exciting to think about. You may just discover that you find it exciting as well once you take a chance. But what I can almost always guarantee that you will find out? He's not judging your flaws and mistakes during sex. He's enjoying the moment and you should be as well.