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The Secret to Being a Dominant


If you have recently decided to embark on the wonderful journey of being a dominant, you may be somewhat at loss. And that is normal! Like anything that is new, it can feel frightening and exciting; the good news is you will learn along the way.

The first thing you should do is get to know yourself. What is it exactly about BDSM and that lifestyle that attracts you? Why do you want a submissive? Do you want to have a full blown 24/7 BDSM relationship? It may also be helpful to know why you want to be a dominant; is it that you want to be a dominant because you like the power of having someone under your control or it is something related with inflicting pain?

There are no wrong or right answers, but before you start anything you must have very clear the things that involve you. This means knowing what you like, what you are interested in doing, what you don’t want to engage in…you must first discover and understand yourself.

You also need to be very clear with yourself. Are you willing to be responsible for another human being? You will need to take care of them; and you will also need to practice self-control. If you feel you are not willing to have that responsibility or that it would be too hard for you to control your impulses, it may be best to leave the dominant/submissive as just a fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with this, not everyone can be have this type of relationship because it’s quite hard! And role playing is extremely fun as well…


If you feel you are confident in being a dominant, you need to start transferring what you want and your desires into someone else. For instance, do you want a full on servant submissive who is at your service 24/7? Or do you want to place someone on the knee and spank them? Or maybe you are interested in rope and Shibari, and want someone to tie up in intricate knots? Have very clear what you want to engage in so you know exactly what to look for when it comes to expectations. 

The first steps towards domination will start with you. Once you have sorted yourself out, you can continue towards the path of domination with a submissive partner.