All Dominants have one goal. They want their lover to submit to them. They want to have the control and gain the ultimate trust from their mate. Typically, they are with submissive natured lovers and this becomes a little easier. But even in the most ideal of circumstances, there can be roadblocks.
For women who are the Dominant, this can be even more difficult. Sometimes they stumble in their efforts to gain submission from their BDSM lover. In order to offer a little help, let's look at the roadblocks that could be faced and how to overcome them.
- Gender roles
Let's face it. We live in a society that has predetermined our gender roles from birth. There are expectations that we are expected to live up to. This can cause a serious conflict in our lives when we venture too far away from it. In a BDSM relationship, it becomes more difficult because those gender roles can affect both participants.
She may have to fight harder and be firmer and stronger than average to be taken serious as a Mistress. Women are typically thought to be softer, gentler and more loving. It can be hard for her to break away from that and be taken as the woman in charge.
He may be leery of venturing outside his own gender role. A man that would submit to a woman is thought of to be weak minded. While you aren't asking him to get permission for everything, he may take submission in the bedroom as being a sign of his weakness.
The best solution to both of these is to accept that BDSM in itself is outside the scope of normal in society. Embrace it. Be proud. Be yourself. Convince him to do the same.
Not all BDSM experiences are planned out. Not everyone makes sure that they are with like-minded people. Hell, not everyone realizes the effect of what they truly want. So how do you battle it when you want submission from a guy that hasn't quite accepted himself as submissive?
Simple. Show him the benefits. Try a little role playing and bring out his kinky side. Show him the pleasure he will get from accepting this. Reward him with things that are important to him. Tease him. Make him want it as badly as you do. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work.
- He doesn't take you seriously
Your man may simply be unable to view you as a take control kind of person. Each person has different sides to their personalities. Seeing a woman flip sides from the person that takes care of everyone to the person wielding a ball gag and making demands can be quite a shock.
You simply have to show him that you are serious and this is who you are. Don't waver because of his expectations. Change them instead. Show him what he can gain by sexually submitting to you.
- No interest
He's never tried it and doesn't seem to want to. BDSM is not the only thing that lovers disagree on experimenting with. People tend to steer clear of what they aren't aroused by.
This means that your goal is to arouse him. Plain and simple. Watch movies. Read stories. Show him what it is that makes this ideal. If you manage to entice him then you'll get to your goal a hell of a lot faster than simply asking.
- He thinks it's betraying his ways
Men want to be the all powerful in a relationship. They are supposed to be the deciding factor on things. They are supposed to enhance the sex. They are supposed to be in charge. If he gives in to you then he's relinquishing that.
Show him the truth. Explain that the submissive is really in charge. He has the power to end it. He has the power to refuse. He has all the power. It's about putting your trust and faith into someone else. Explain that and he will be more likely to agree.