Have you ever stood in an ice cream shop and thought to yourself: "I would love to have the most boring and plain flavor in the place" Yeah, me neither. So it makes sense that you wouldn't want to have boring sex, right?
The term vanilla sex was created for that very purpose. It was designed to describe boring sex. Sex that the partners want to keep bland and plain and never add anything exciting. Much like a bowl of vanilla ice cream, only without the sweet flavor of the sugar.
For some people, not me of course, vanilla is good. They actually like vanilla ice cream and vanilla sex. They prefer the plain. They enjoy the no-frills flavor. In the bedroom, they like to keep it simple. They choose to take no risks.
Obviously, as a sexual submissive I choose risks and excitement on a regular basis. You will never see me at an ice cream shop trying to decide between vanilla and any other flavor. Does that mean I would not enjoy a bowl of vanilla on occasion? Not at all.
Just because I prefer to spend my time with my wrists bound, my eyes blindfolded and my erotic senses on high alert does not mean that it has to always be that way. Sometimes changing it back to the basics is exciting. One of the thrills of the BDSM lifestyle is that it is different all the time. There are no two identical experiences. Which sometimes, for those of us into the roles, means simply being like everyone else.
Just because I am submissive and I prefer handcuffs and ballgag trainers to roses and champagne, does not mean that I do not like roses and champagne. In other words, sometimes Master and I delight in a night of romantic, loving, bonding, vanilla sex.
We do, however, sometimes add a little bit of sprinkles. In other words, we can enjoy vanilla sex without it being quite so…well…vanilla. Just because we might select an ordinary missionary position and put away the locked closets full of erotic bondage gear for a single night, does not mean that is absolutely has to be boring. It can be quite fun instead. We use this time to explore our interests and desires that do not always fall under the BDSM umbrella.
I might put on some frilly lingerie or even a sexy costume. He may hold my hands down instead of engaging in full-on bondage. We dress up an ordinary vanilla cone and still make it a little more delectable for us.
The thing people miss is that BDSM doesn't mean that everything has to be kinky fuckery. It means that kinky is the preference. We all have preferences that we enjoy. The way to achieve pleasurable sex is to do something that you enjoy and be with like-minded individuals. Someone that prefers being tied up and teased is not going to fare well long term with someone that prefers your basic routine. Some are comfortable with BDSM or bondage and all of the sexy adult toys and delicious bondage gear which come with it, some are not. Some like to keep it to what they deem normal, some do not.
Master and I have the same basic views on our sexual experiences. Even so, over the years we have both found that molding our additional interests and desires into the mix has made it even more exciting.
So yes, even submissives enjoy a little enhanced vanilla from time to time. We like to participate in normalcy here and there too. We like to cuddle and be held and kiss. But only so much. *giggles* After slamming me passionately into a wall and ripping off my clothes never gets old. And come to think of it, neither does a ball gag. But they say variety is the spice of life and I believe in variety. Just maybe with some sprinkles on it.