My wife and I are both busy healthcare professionals, and we also have four small children. It helps that our kids have a set bedtime that we (mostly) stick to, and they are used to sleeping in their own beds. Our busy schedules don't usually leave a lot of time to play, unfortunately, but when we do make time, we try to make the most of it. Sometimes it can be spontaneous, but other times we plan in advance to get some playtime on the schedule. It may sound kind of boring, but the planning can make good foreplay.
With very busy work and home lives, we 're usually exhausted by the end of the day, so planning ahead can also help give something to look forward to. Rarely, we may work some fun into our normal lives, like she'll wear latex underwear when we're going out to dinner. Probably one of the best ideas I've had on the planning front was to remind her during the day that we had an evening planned. I told her the theme was leopard print, and she could choose option 1, 2, or 3, without knowing what each option was.
I'd decided that one was a set of leopard print soft Velcro restraints that we have, two was a leopard print bodystocking and black rope, and the third option was leopard print thigh highs with red leather collar, wrist, and ankle restraints. She thought it was fun to have to choose without knowing what she was getting herself into. Yes, I could have easily told her whatever I wanted after she chose, but I figured it was a win-win-win regardless!
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I was at a party in high school at a friend's house, and somehow there were no parents around. We were playing spin the bottle, and the "winners" got put in one of the bedrooms together for a certain amount of time. I got paired with a girl that was very pretty, but we were more buddies than boyfriend-girlfriend potential. I found an ACE wrap in the bedroom and talked her into letting me hogtie her with it, because somehow that seemed more normal than trying to "make out." We both thought it was kind of silly, which helped alleviate my anxiety about it.
I don't even think I realized at the time how arousing I found it. It was a long while after that before I really did any more bondage. The Internet was just becoming a thing when I was in college, and I imagine most boys rejoiced in how easy it was all of a sudden to access adult pictures. Eventually, I came across Lorelei's Bedroom Bondage website, and it was like an epiphany.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I'm dominant, all the way. I guess I wouldn't mind playing submissive, but I just don't find it as appealing. Maybe that's strange because I've always read about how busy professionals with stressful jobs tend to enjoy being able to "let go" and submit in playtime. That's not me, though.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
It's a bit of both, really. Again, I've read men are more physical/visual when it comes to sex, but I also feel like our BDSM relationship and sexuality in general help deepen our spousal relationship. It's important to me that my wife enjoys the experience as well, and this can be a big stress reliever for both of us to escape the whirlwinds that make up most of our days.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Thinking back, it's somewhat surprising to me that my initiating bondage experiences were universally positive. At the same time, though, I didn't have many serious relationships before I met my wife, and before her I kept it pretty "mainstream."
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
I'd had some fairly tame experiences with other girlfriends, but I think I knew early on that my relationship with my wife was special, and I think I proceeded much more cautiously so as not to screw it up. It was several months before we had sex, and I think it was several more before I busted out any bondage play.
I talked her into letting me wrap her in plastic wrap, which I found incredibly arousing. I remember on another occasion wrapping her in transparent red, clear, and transparent blue plastic wrap, the idea of which I got from one of those tricolor condoms (or the French flag, maybe?). I don't remember if it was Saran or Glad that made all of those different color plastic wraps, but I think they discontinued them, because I haven't seen them in a while. Thank goodness you have them, Autumn! Maybe you can sell them in wider lengths some day!
What was your best bondage experience?
I'm not sure that I have an all time fave. I think I'm most impressed with myself when I execute an elaborate rope tie. I marvel at some of the ties I see online, like those by Jim Weathers or Jay Edwards. The Bedroom Bondage website also came out with some very basic rope tie video tutorials a long time ago, which I thought were great. I've also read the Knotty Boys books. It's tricky, because sometimes my wife can find the tying process very arousing, and other times she gets impatient with my bumbling around. I would say that I'm pretty average at pulling off the elaborate rope ties that I've seen or that I think up. When I pull it off, my wife likes it, and it provides accessibility for sex, then I'm super proud of myself!
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
We probably aren't as good as we should be at designating safe words before play. Most gags start to hurt my wife's jaw after a short while, so she speaks freely, and it's usually something like, "Ouch! Stop!" We have designated the "yellow" - slow down and "red" - stop safe words before. We thought back, and I'm pretty sure we've used "rhubarb" as a safe word before, too.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
I'm not sure that I have an absolute favorite, but my wife really likes a paddle with red heart inlays that we got off of the old website. It looks sexy, and it makes a great sound without being too harsh. She also likes a pair of two-tone floggers that we also got off of the old website. I've gotten more coordinated with my dual flogging, and again, it makes for a great effect without being overly painful. We have several sets of collars and cuffs in various colors - black, red, white, black/white, black/red, and tiffany blue. We've also got the body harnesses in black, white, red, and tiffany blue, and it really helps complete an incredibly sexy look. The black/white and black/red sets are padded/leather-lined, and my wife likes this, too, because they're comfy and look great. I tend to like the ones with locking buckles. To me, it adds to the fun when my wife is jingling around with all her little padlocks, not to mention to fact that it's up to me when to let her out of the restraints. It's also great that you include sizes/measurements for the collars and cuffs on the website. My wife is 5'7", but she has a thin neck and thin wrists/ankles. Early on I learned to do some very basic leatherwork with a leather punch and trauma shears, and I even placed a few grommets to tailor things to her size - they came out okay, but I still don't have a lot of faith in my skills.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I think we would be most interested in trying some suspension bondage, but I think my rope tying skills are probably not quite up to par, not to mention having something sturdy enough to suspend from!
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Gosh, that's tough. I think it's a tie between these two (i.e. I just made these up):
You forgot to say, "Master." More spankings for you!
Dominatrix Barbie, and I brought my slave, Spinwheel Ken.
What is Eskimo ice?
This really stumped us, and an Internet search pretty much gave us nothing. My best guess is that Eskimo Ice is when you freeze your ejaculate and use it to cool a cocktail. My wife thought that was super gross and asked me not to type that! Sorry, that's probably not PG-13.