Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
In Vanillaville, I am a mild-mannered all-American suburbanite. I like to read and write in equal measure, and I spend the balance of my time trying to stay active in general and active,more particularlyin the BDSM community.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
The origin of my interest in bondage is difficult to place in time, insofar as the imagery always caught my eye no matter where it appeared, from Scooby-Doo to The Pit and the Pendulum. Some playful adventures in spontaneous bondage when I was a freshman in high school were perhaps the most vivid hints of things to come.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
For simplicity’s sake I’d say dominant, but I tend to view identity as a dynamic, fluid thing that depends on contexts and chemistry—I’m toppish with dominant tendencies, but the features of my personality that bubble to the surface depend on who I am with, the depth of our intimacy, and what we evoke in one another. My default state may be simply “sadomasochist.”
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
My desire for bondage varies from situation to situation and sometimes from moment to moment. There are times when bondage alone is the sum and substance of a scene, in which case it takes on complex emotional dimensions depending on the sorts of feelings my partner and I would like to experience. It can make possible an intensely intimate connection. On other occasions my approach may be more instrumental—I may only need functional restraint to hold a partner in place for some other activity, the one that will carry a more potent emotional charge for us.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Response to my interest in bondage has generally been positive, perhaps because I’m generally candid about my interest in all things related to BDSM, but primarily because I tend to seek out partners who offer evidence of kink-aware open-mindedness.
What was your best bondage experience?
This is a hard question for me to answer, as I’ve had many bests, or at least many experiences that figure in my mind in superlative terms—the most stringent, the most inventive, or the most intimate, for example. It’s not something I think of in comparative terms.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
For me it’s generally the expressive payload it carries, what it means for a given scene. If my partner wants to feel helpless, for example, I’ll try to approach the bondage in a way that feels inexorable, that will strip away her mobility in small, inevitable steps; if it helps us to enter a an intimate head space, I might emphasize a ritualistic sort of bondage to emphasize movement away from the everyday world. In that sense, I suppose versatility is what’s most important to me about the experience of bondage.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
The world of BDSM can be dauntingly complex, and in the early going it can be incredibly difficult to articulate desire—it’s hard to know precisely what we want and how to turn our fantasies into realities. With that in mind, I’d encourage anyone wading into these waters to be patient with themselves and to know that there’s a place for them. I’ve found the BDSM community to be enormously warm and welcoming, and chances are good that those who are just starting out will be able to find the connections, resources, and acceptance they seek somewhere nearby.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
I quite like the Multiple Orgasms Bondage Vibrator Harness. It’s elegant and functional, and in terms of both comfort and design, it’s hard to beat.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I’d like to try full-body plaster cast bondage somewhere down the line. That seems like a fine diversion for a rainy day.