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Meet Brian

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

I am waiting for my retirement and now am on borrowed time. The meaning of that is I have passed my retirement date and am still working; some day soon I will quit. I am approaching retirement age and I feel and act like 50. I’m twice married; my first wife found out about my cross-dressing and interest in other activities like bondage and we got divorced.

When did you first realize you were into bondage?

My mother was very dominant in the household and consequently she influenced me strongly as I matured. But I believe my first foray into bondage was during my preteen years. The neighborhood children would get together and play cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers and various games where someone was getting captured. I always enjoyed tying a girl to a tree or post. A neighbor girl and I used to practice tying each other to objects in our basements to increase our abilities to make escape very difficult during the group games.

Later on, I really realized my bondage fetish when I was in my twenties and found a bondage magazine and finally found why I enjoyed the activity of tying girls.

How you best describe yourself and why?  Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.  

I am a switch. I enjoy both the domination and submissive roles. Since a lot of my bondage is self-bondage you become submissive to yourself in order to make the scene work. The times I can find someone else to play with, I enjoy the dominant side of the game. As a cross dresser playing the dominant side with someone is difficult while I am dressed as finding the right clothing in my size to pull off the scene is difficult.

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional?  (please elaborate)

The choice of emotion versus physical is difficult as both interact during the game. There is the obvious physical restraint of bondage and lack of freedom, both very physical intermixing with how your or my mind is working on the emotion of restraint. As I see it, the bondage scene your mind takes into effect includes the thoughts that you process in order to create the scene for your partner or yourself and that is the emotion that allows the highs of restraint. To sum up the thought: say you day dream while in bondage and the touch sensation of clothing and restraint set your mind to run wild with emotions and dreams. Another factor in the physical realm of bondage is everyone's need to test the restraint strength. We all squirm to see if escape is possible even if you handcuff yourself and know there is no way out. This need for escape satisfies part of the physical side of the bondage game. The development of the scene starts the emotions flowing. We think and interact with the emotion of the mind; the physical part is the touching feeling when testing our environment…the clothing, the bonds, the loss of sight and sound…

Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?

I had one willing participant in my formative years and that relationship lasted only a few months; the breakup didn’t had anything to do with the bondage aspect that we both loved.

My first wife tried it twice and did not like bondage at all. I was reluctant to bring the subject up while dating someone: I was awkward enough with out adding bondage to the mix for rejection. So as I stated I am into self-bondage these days because even though my current wife understands that aspect of my life, she is not a player in the game.

Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.

My first bondage experience was with a neighbor girl that I grew up with. We would go to her basement and practice tying each other to see who could not escape. We used to play about every weekend. I don't believe we thought of it as bondage, it was just a fun activity enjoyed by both, little did we know what me were doing.

What was your best bondage experience?

I was alone for 5 days and used every minute to enjoy dressing up and playing with bondage. I used ropes, chains, handcuffs and harnesses to make me as stringently tied as possible. The bondage was delightful and the dressing was the frosting on the cake. I made it as inescapable as I could, but always keeping a method to release myself, sadly...

What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?

Sassafras.

What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?

I feel the most important experience in bondage is the emotions that one goes through. Your mind can run away with the scene and make up stories to fit the situation. When you are blindfolded every noise takes on a different meaning and we let our mind run free to help create a scene. This is a game that takes two or more people to play and if we do not derive pleasure from the game, we are not going to play in the future. Everyone has to please himself or herself and respect each other limits. If someone is a switch and always gets stuck being a dominant, they will probably become bored with the game and leave. We are all looking for emotions and physical pleasures by playing and we need to respect each other’s limits and wishes. This way the end result will be pleasure and good feelings for everyone.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

My best advice to beginners is to start slow and use common materials around the house; don't invest in heavy-duty equipment until you determine what exactly you and/or your partner enjoy. And also be respectful of your partner’s wishes. Talk to each other and discuss where boundaries can be expanded or contracted. For example, if your partner has no wishes for public bondage, it would be a wise move not to do it at all to allow the game to continue.

The other issue you can find is your partner not being into bondage. In that case, possibly self-bondage might be the answer.

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?

I am into electro stimulation and the TENS units you provide, they are fantastic coupled with a stimulating butt plug, nipple clamps, and dildo and cock cage. You never know when the stimulation will occur or a shock. Your mind can run wild with the different scenarios that can be thought of for the game. When you are handcuffed and blindfolded the stimulation intensifies and you have no idea what will happen next. A true idea of helplessness.

What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try? 

My fantasy involves both dressing up and bondage. I would like to be forced to be married dressed up as a woman to my lover and for the wedding to occur with me in full restraints and gagged, none of which are visible for the obvious reasons that the bride must be perfect and willing to give herself to her partner freely for the occasion; everything that needs to be professed is done for me by someone in the wedding party. The reception is the same: I must be in the receiving line as during the wedding. My bridesmaids all give me condom packages in my gloved and immobile hands…

What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?

I am afraid I am not into knock knock jokes and don't know any.

Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes?  We are all ears and ball gags.

Bondage is more of a game than a lifestyle. We are looking for pleasure and if pleasure is not obtained the game will end quickly for all parties. We have to have respect for everyone involved and we have to respect boundaries. Respect limits, have fun, and let the endorphins flow.