Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you be describe your everyday vanilla life?
Since graduating with my Bachelor's (in City Planning of all things) I've been working in the human services field. Presently I manage the support services for a caseload of adults with various physical and intellectual disabilities. The few hours a week I am not working I spend with my wife and toddler (and soon to be 2nd child). We moved into our first house a few months ago and are scrambling to keep ahead of the rampant destruction caused by a curious 2 year old and a small zoo of dogs and cats. In the quiet time between crises I enjoy reading, playing video games, and plotting scenarios for our weekly D&D night.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I can remember being a kid and watching movies or TV, then whenever I would see someone get tied up I would get excited or happy in a way I couldn't really quantify. I think it was some time in middle school when I started to see those images in a sexual way. At some point I began to explore the internet and stumbled onto a bondage themed website. That's when things sort of clicked for me, that it wasn't an odd or rare thing to enjoy that sort of thing.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I'd have to say I'm Dominant. I've got some control issues (haha) and I try to remain as rigidly in control of myself as possible. I've never been comfortable with anything that limits or takes away any of that personal control. Though that has often meant that I've been the default designated driver and general babysitter for my less disciplined friends.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
It's both for me at different times. There is certainly a physical aspect that I enjoy greatly when playing with my wife. Then other times we've found shorter games with little to no sexual contact to be just as enjoyable. One of the biggest values that these sorts of things bring to my wife and I is an effective method of stress and anxiety relief. For her, having things like hoods, blindfold, and body sacks allow her to "turn off" or "reboot" during a stressful time. Then being able to do something that reduces my wife's anxiety in turn reduces my stress.
Then I have always found that a partner's willingness to be submissive to be one of the greatest displays of trust. I've known my wife since high school, and most of her relationships during that time were by no means positive or healthy. More than one of her boyfriends did things that greatly damaged her ability to trust others. It took years before she was comfortable enough to engage in any sort of the physical activity couples like. Her willingness to play these games with me shows a phenomenal amount of trust in me.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
It may sound odd but the only real relationship I've had is with my wife. We were friends for all of high school, I was most certainly the guy that all of her boyfriends hated. When we started dating I was very nervous about bringing up bondage, especially after I learned that more than one of her previous boyfriends had played some bondage games with her and hadn't been respectful or careful. Strangely enough she was the one who first suggested it.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
It was during my freshman year at college. My dorm mate was out on a month long class trip so my wife (then girlfriend) and I had the room to ourselves. Our favorite thing to do at that time was to play Truth or Dare. She had mentioned an interest in bondage earlier in the day so I thought I'd give it a shot with her. Three turns in and I was gagging her with a bandana while she was hogtied with one of my sweatshirts. After about 10 minutes her shoulders started to hurt, so we threw off the sweatshirt and moved on to other couple activities.
What was your best bondage experience?
I think we had been dating for about 2 1/2 years at this point when my wife and I tried out something new. We spent a whole day going through dozens of different scenarios and taking pictures. It's become a bit of an annual tradition for the two of us and works as a fantastic outlet. During this game she has always been the most willing to try new things and even provide suggestions of her own. The first time that we did this she surprised me by offering up suggestions for things she wanted to try. Up to that point she had been too timid to volunteer any real insight into her experiences, even to the point that she hadn't even spoken up when I was doing something she hated (a very frustrating experience) out of fear that I wouldn't respect her desires. For her to suddenly jump in with her own suggestions was incredibly satisfying and fulfilling for me.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
We've really used any fancy safe words. "No" and "Stop" have been very successful for the two of us. When she's gagged and needs to stop she will wave her fingers or feet as quickly as possible.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
I think it's a tie between safety and fun. Safety is beyond important when you're engaging in activities where there's a risk of personal harm. I feel that topic has been covered elsewhere so I won't go into too great detail here. Then I've always felt that bondage (and sex) should be fun for everyone involved. If someone isn't enjoying themselves then something needs to stop/change.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Take it slow and talk with your partner(s) about what each of you is comfortable with. Take the time to practice before going full speed; sloppily tied knots can be extremely hazardous. If you want to try something new, look for resources that can help you prepare. I found several very helpful books for beginners. We were also lucky enough to have a BDSM club at the college I was attending. While I was never able to attend any meetings, they did post many helpful articles and videos on their website.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
That would have to be the simple ring gag. The gag has always been my favorite part of tying my wife up. She is a very small sized woman so it's always been difficult to find any sort of equipment that fits her. Gags that fit in her mouth have been especially hard to find. This is the first gag we've found that fits in her mouth comfortably enough that I can tighten the strap to the point she can't just spit the gag out (as she does when she's feeling feisty). The only drawback is she likes to have something a little softer to bite down on. I know we'd both be extremely happy if we could find a rubber ball gag smaller than 1.5 inches (1.25 inches would be perfect).
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I'd really like to try some suspension bondage. Finding a place in the house secure enough to anchor any hooks or rings has been a challenge. It's also something hazardous enough I'm nervous about trying without extensive practice.