Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
In my vanilla life, I'm a musician/artist who works a day job. I'm the main songwriter in a sludgy, drone-rock duo called Mudslug. I play eight and twelve string basses, and synthesizer foot pedals. I also do artwork illustrations, usually live music show posters; they're large, full-color ink paintings that I conceive, draw, and paint freehand. I also like to lift weights, but I am not a competitive person in any way. All in all, my vanilla life consists of a lot of highly focused creative activity. I don't like spending too much time "consuming" (I watch very little TV, never go see Hollywood movies, and rarely go to malls or retail dept. stores). All that stuff tends to make me feel "icky".
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I first realized I was into bondage at eight years old. My friend and I were goofing off in the woods behind the housing development, and he put me in handcuffs behind my back. They were toy ones, but still made of metal. I didn't know what sexual arousal was at that age; I just knew what it felt like ;)
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn
I would definitely classify myself as a submissive. I just melt at the sight/sound of a woman dressed provocatively, standing authoritatively, and giving instruction sternly. I don't know why, but I don't have any urges or inclinations to be dominant in any way. It just doesn't "fit" on me...I'm more of a sweetheart. :)
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional?
For me, bondage is both physical and emotional. I am picky about materials. I absolutely love the feel of rubber, padded plastic, vinyl-dipped foam (go look it up, it's a gloriously erotic material), anything inflated, or metal. I don't care for the feel of rope or tape. I also obviously love the feel of restriction, immobilization, or imprisonment. However, I also love the feel, the emotional mood of the situation of being in bondage. It's not just about the feel of the bondage itself, but also of the mood that it creates, the situation that I'm in...A woman's playful, teasing, or commanding words feed into that emotional predicament a lot.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
BDSM is very much a recreation for me. I don't live it 24/7 because I don't think I could handle a "serious" relationship with anyone right now. I've got a lot of different things going on at any one given time, and BDSM is just one of those things; it's one particular side of me. All of the people I've met through Fetlife have been very accepting of what bondage means to me, so I've actually done several scenes that I fantasize about...this has all really blossomed, but at my pace.
What was your best bondage experience?
My best bondage experience to date was probably the medical play scene I did with a couple of friends from Fetlife at a playspace. I was sitting in a wheelchair in a full fiberglass upper body/dual shoulder spica cast, a neck brace, and at one point, blindfolded with a large ball gag that I believe I got from sub-shop. Lots of tickling from my partners, and lots of futile squirming and muffled laughter from me! Also, the cast around the torso was done in the design of the leather pride flag.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
My safeword is and always will be, "rhutabaga".
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Probably the most important thing about the experience of bondage is the feeling of not being able to escape at all without someone else; the complete power exchange. That's the kind of power exchange that can induce panic attacks in some people, but I love it.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
The best advice I would give for someone new is to get on a social network site, preferably Fetlife, and don't do anything at first. Just meet people and make friends, preferably in person as much as possible. There are what are called "munches". These are purely social events that cater to newbies, where experienced, old-guard people in the BDSM community get together with not-so-experienced people over food and discuss different topics of BDSM that absolutely need to be considered. These events serve to ease people into the community with plenty of guidance and info. There are also events called "tastings", where new people have various implements tried on them lightly by more experienced people to give them an idea of how they feel, and whether they like it or not. For new dominants, this is good for them to have something tried on them first before they use it on someone else, so they are well acquainted with how it feels at various intensities. What I would strongly advise against, however, is meeting individual strangers blindly off the internet, in private, to immediately do bondage or BDSM play of some sort. That’s extremely dangerous. This, in my view, is why we have things like Fetlife, and is also why Fetlife has events like this on a regular basis.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I have several fantasies that I would still like to try. I would still like to be locked in a close-fitting standing cage, or spend time in a full fiberglass body cast from neck to toes. Since I also have a fetish for neck braces (I have several), I would love to be put in a halo vest. Yes, I know that halos involve skull pins, but they can and have been modified for kinkier uses. Instead of pins that go into the skull, use rubber stoppers on the ends of the head bolts that get tightened up against the head instead of going into the head.