Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I am a 69-year-old Dominant/Master in the BDSM lifestyle to a 26-year-old slave. I do have to live in a vanilla world as do we all, but even in that world I tend to be a leader. I am a Project Manager for a Fortune 500 engineering/consulting firm. I am a writer of erotica and lifestyle stories that I have been told are better than Shades (never read it or watched it), but that is probably due to the fact mine are not a fabricated fantasy. Ten years ago I was transferred into our construction division and while driving with a Senior Project Manager to a Federal project; he said, “I hear you like to write.” Knowing he was not in the lifestyle, I asked how he knew that. His response was, “The women in our office read your blog and like it. Its sexual isn’t it?” The cat was literally out of the bag, but he then added, “You’re my hero”.
I live in the vanilla world, but I am not a closeted lifestyler, which gives me a freedom few have. I do not flaunt it in the vanilla world; do not have a whip or handcuffs dangling from my rearview mirror, but have been advised to keep my private life private.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
When I was a Boy Scout my only merit badge was in knots. When I was 10, I broke a ping-pong paddle on my sister’s ass. Did I know it was a precursor to what I would become, I don’t know. I always had a Dominant (not aggressive) personality; in school I was a leader, not a follower. In high school I found my pleasure in older women; not cheer leaders. They taught me how to give pleasure. Bondage became a part of my life in my late 20’s, pre Internet. Rope, chains, handcuffs, silk scarves were the norm then.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
Bondage for me is mental first; I like to get into the mind of my partner. Once bound the control is even greater.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Because I want the mental as well as the physical; I only partnered with those who were into bondage.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
I was in my late 20’s, my partner in her mid 40’s. She was bound with silk scarves to a four-poster bed and blindfolded. The power exchange made the physical aspect more intense and pleasurable.
What was your best bondage experience?
It involved mummification, sensory deprivation and knife play.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
Safe word? Since generally they are bound and gagged a girl can only mumble, so hand signals are the norm. On those rare occasions when gags aren’t used, “stop” works.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
For the one doing the bondage, knowing what you are doing. Knowing a person’s mental, emotional state and physiology. If you employ rope, you need to know and be aware of the ramifications of blood flow restrictions. In general if leather, cuffs or anything else is used, a girl should know her partner is safe and sane before entering into it.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Read BDSM 101, The Loving Dominant, Loving Submissive, Forget the Roses, Send Me the Thorns or any other book written by someone who is experienced. Do not believe that Shades is anything more than a romance novel. Know your partner well. I have found that the Internet has unleashed a number of abusers who believe aggression and intimidation equates to Dominance, it doesn’t. Being a Dom or Master requires control of self first. Girls should not leap into the lifestyle believing all Dominants know what they are doing. Experience trumps youth.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Hard to say; I have bought gags, leather restraints and anal hooks and a lot more from sub-shop.com. Autumn provides quality product at a reasonable price and everything I buy has brought pleasure to a number of partners.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I read this question out loud to my girl; her response was “I think you’ve probably lived them all out” and she may be right. After 40 years in this lifestyle I’ve done a lot to many, but she is young and relatively inexperienced with a true desire to learn, so her training is what I look forward to.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
You want PG 13 answers and ask a question like that?
What is Eskimo ice?
Hmm, ice play including the freezing of dildos, vibes or the use of ice cubes.
What does a M/s or D/s relationship mean to you?
Though I have trained many on a variety of levels; I have only collared 4. To me the collar is not something offered for a short term, it means a commitment has been reached between a Top (Master, Dom, Mistress or Domme) and a bottom (sub or slave). A play partner may wear a collar, but without the commitment it means nothing. My slaves and subs have experienced both pain and pleasure knowing no permanent physical, mental or emotional abuse would occur. The power exchange occurs freely without reservation. The Top and bottom not only complement each other but make each other what they are. A top may call himself Master, but without a collared slave he is nothing more than a dominant male. Dominance is not aggression; it is a power that is controlled. A slave or sub needs that control not only in the bedroom or during play but in guidance in their daily life. The things I buy from sub-shop.com are not used to abuse or intimidate my slave, but to give pain as pleasure and pleasure for the mutual satisfaction of both of us. To me M/s and D/s relationships are more binding than marriage without the necessity of a legal document.