Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I enjoy writing, video games, and working with kids. A friendly introvert through and through!
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
As long as I can remember, I had a fascination for it, but I didn't understand why, or that it was sexual, until I was around 11 or 12. As a child, the games I played with friends would always have imaginary bondage elements, and I used my Barbies to get creative and explore my fascination. It always worried my poor mother that I would tie up my dolls!
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Definitely a switch, though I lean more towards dominant in day to day life, in and out of the bedroom.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
For me, it's a healthy mixture of both. I love the physical thrill of it, but emotionally, it's a very intimate and trusting experience. No matter which side you're on, there's a connection between partners that's loving and caring, and lasts far beyond any play time.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
BDSM to me is something fun to do with a partner in play time, but that also can build some great trust and improve relationships. Good BDSM encourages heavy and clear communication, and a healthy exploration of limits and boundaries that I feel many relationships don't delve into enough. No matter how intense your session goes, or how light, the point is that you're exchanging trust with each other, and that's powerful. Any relationship grows stronger with communication and trust, no matter what you do in or out of the bedroom.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Yes. In my social circles, it's downright common for people to be into bondage! It's actually a surprise if I speak to someone who's not interested in it on some level.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
My girlfriend was in from out of town, and we'd already talked extensively about what we wished to do beforehand. She had more experience than I did, so even though I was the dominant, she guided me through it and helped me not be nervous. It was a lighthearted experience, where we laughed over some awkward moments and simply enjoyed ourselves. I made some minor mistakes, tied some knots wrong, etc., but it didn't matter in the end. Turns out, writing fan fiction about it for years doesn't mean you're going to be good in reality, but if you're with the right partner, that's okay.
What was your best bondage experience?
When I saw her again, we had both done more research, and learned from our previous experiences. I bought us some more professional equipment, removing a lot of that awkwardness, and making the experience more about the play. Practice and learning pays off!
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
For us, it came as an accident. We were writing for some characters, one of which was a huge nerd, and we joked about "what if her safeword was math". Well, that stuck, and it's the only safeword we can both consistently remember. So, math.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
The trust and respect. I said before how that's the integral part, no matter what kind of play you're doing. Communicate everything, always be honest about how you feel, and trust each other to take care. Many people see bondage as something degrading, where the submissive is hurt or insulted or forced into things they don't want; THIS IS FALSE. Bondage is about the underlying respect and trust all participants have for each other. If there is not enough respect or trust, it's not healthy, like any relationship. No matter what might be said in play time, as long as everyone is consenting and there's a safeword in place, it's always about respect. Often times, the submissive is actually in more control of the scenario! Being clear about what they wish to happen beforehand, and in complete control of stopping it at any time.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Be careful, but don't be afraid. There are some lovely, welcoming people in various BDSM communities, and it's all right to explore it and make friends. Learn, and don't be ashamed. There are so many different facets of BDSM to explore! So many kinds, each with their own communities! But also be careful. Especially if you're younger, there ARE people who have a false idea of healthy BDSM, and there are people who may try and take advantage of your newness. You do not want a Christian Grey; you want someone who will listen to what you want, to your limits, RESPECT what you say, and never try and push you into something you don't want. If you enjoy being controlled, or enjoy being hurt or humiliated or whatever else, that's fine! Just remember, that at the end of the day, you are supposed to still have a level of control, to be able to walk away whenever you need to. This applies to more dominant people, too; just because you're not the one on the receiving end, you still need to watch out for people who don't understand that a healthy relationship is required for any BDSM scenario. Explore, but be careful.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
In a submissive role, I'd like to at least once try having multiple Doms tending to me, to see what that's like. In a controlled, safe environment of course!
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
Nice, I didn't know you could yodel! (It’s corny and great)
What is Eskimo ice?
Googling that alone just got me stuff for actual ice fishing gear... Urban Dictionary said something else. Still not related to bondage though, as far as I'm aware?
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.
If you have a gag, and worry about of safe words, fear not! You can have non verbal safe words, too! For instance, it could be something noisy like keys that the sub is holding, and if they need to call their safeword, they'll drop said keys. It's got to be something obvious and easy to do when overwhelmed though, so no "blink five times" or things along those lines.