“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Random Fortune Cookie from 2012 taken straight from my lovers kink dairy.
Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I work fulltime as a Technical Support Analyst for a large corporation in Canada, solving computer problems, writing computer programs, new tools and automating processes. Outside of work, I’m just a mid-twenties guy who enjoys his video games, time with his girlfriend of four years and with our two cats. I try hard to maintain normal vanilla friendships with my guy friends I’ve known for several years. Love to go on trips, camping and relaxing which I think most everyone enjoys.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
When I was very little stemming as far back as 4 or 5 years old. It started off with small games with a close friend where we would start off doing Damsel in Distress’s in our playing. We would play in his basement, and his parents had a large dog cage where we would tie each other up and gag each other in the cage while the other would either pretend to be the villain and/or the hero. This carried on until my early teen years when I found Lorelei’s Bedroom Bondage online and it just went from there.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Switch. I do enjoy being Dominant, but I also love being Submissive. It’s great for both my partner and myself because we get to experiment in different kinds of play and give each other idea’s to do to each other during that play. It helps us get to know each other on a deeper connection and level while getting to see from the perspective of the other’s role to give it a greater appreciation. The best Dominants are ones who can put themselves into the shoes of the submissive.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
Emotional. There are a lot of strong emotions tied to the desire for bondage and my sex life would feel completely un-fulfilled without it. The power to give up or to control another’s enjoyment and pleasure during sex is very powerful and very bonding. Even better knowing that you or your partner has the power to stop the scene (safe words!) but chooses not to because you/they enjoy it so much! It’s so intense and our sex life is out-standing. I had a vanilla partner before and the lacking of bondage in our love life I feel was a major reason our relationship failed – we could not connect at our most vulnerable.
It’s a tough question to answer since it can be a bit of both for me at times but at the end of it all it’s something I feel that’s needed. It’s also nice to have someone to trust by being completely helpless or to have the responsibility to top someone.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Not at first. In fact, for the longest time I wasn’t accepting of it for myself. It took me years to accept that it’s okay and it’s helped me enjoy it further. Connecting and communicating it out online has helped and having good toys to own and play with also certainly helped as well. You’re not alone kinky reader. Whatever you are into someone else is too and I’m thankful I have someone and so will you.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
I was young and horny, found some yellow rope and some tape and decided that was the day I tried self-bondage. It was so exhilarating that I just kept doing it until I was caught and grounded for several months. The first time I got to do it with someone else it was awkward but enjoyable, not like what you see in porn.
What was your best bondage experience?
It’s tough to choose – I’ve had so many amazing ones that trying to pick a favorite is difficult. One of the best ones was the night me and my current and now lover went to a local play-party for Halloween. She and I spent a few hours getting ready, shaving, doing each other’s make-up and I went out as her slave girl to the party. I hobbled around with her in some very high heels, in a short black skirt and a cute black top with bunny ears. She had me ball gagged and bound on a cross while she spanked me with a paddle. Made me bring her restraints on all fours for everyone to watch. When we got home from the party we must have had kinky love for hours by candlelight.
Another one that is a close tie, is when I came home after a long day to find a note on the wall with detailed instructions to go into the bathroom, wash up and get dressed in an outfit she choose for me. In there were instructions on what to do next to several others notes throughout the house to clean, wash and be bound and ready at home for her when she return.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
Caramel. We’re not that creative, if anything we’re goofs. We came up with that because it’s a jarring thing to say during play and it’s something that could be said while gagged. Still used to this day after four years!
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Communication, trust and comfort. If there is something you want or do not want it needs to be spoken and the other needs to listen and understand. Kink has a very negative stigma of nothing but leather masks, pain and even rape associations and in all honesty, it’s not always that at all. Even using just some simple fabrics to just restrain the hands is kink.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Be safe. If you are into rope take the time to learn to tie things properly and never around the neck. Keep sheers handy to release your partner or ensure your dominant has ways to get you out if things go south.
If you are looking to introduce this to a partner get something soft and easy to start with. Don’t go out spending hundreds of dollars on crazy kink stuff if it’s not something you or your partner enjoys.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
That would be the 2” big red harness ball gag. It’s big, it’s VERY mean and super sexy to see on your partner. I love the ritual of putting it on – taking the time to adjust the straps properly and to make it look it’s best.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
Outdoors Kink. Someday to be at a place where kink is encouraged outside – in the open at like a park instead of a play party. Not in public with innocent by-standers but in a place with other kinksters, like at the southern Ontario kink camping trips – which I can’t seem to find anymore.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Never mind it’s pointless.
What is Eskimo ice?
According to Google, a website for ice fishing gear, shelters and accessories.
I honestly have no idea.
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.
Absolutely! Especially for new-comers and first time buyers:
You don’t need a partner right off the bat. You don’t need to be apart of the kink community. You don’t have to love ball gags, whips, chains, and assless chaps. What you do need to know is what you like and what you enjoy or at least be willing to explore. My partner and me were community people a few years back but we fell out of it. We enjoy each other and ourselves – We enjoy our kinks. If you like cross-dressing, being spanked or being called a slave or a pet – Do it and love it. There are so many of us out there and even more that are like you.
Embrace it and love it.