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Meet Gentleruffian

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

I'm a work-to-live kind of guy. I'm always looking for inspiration, and new ways to connect with the people that make my life richer; whether it be the cutting-edge technology I make my living with, or old-fashioned practice, practice, practice! I read a lot, and I firmly believe that you're never old as long as you're willing to keep learning. I love feisty cats, trees the color of autumn swaying in the wind, and leather boots; and similarly, playful enthusiasm and a variety of treats for the senses.

What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?

I respect that for some people BDSM/kink is its own independent pursuit, but for me it is explicitly sexual, and as such is not the only aspect that I focus on, although it is my favorite. It works as an additional layer on top of my core sexuality and usually does not comprise the "main event" by itself, even though in some cases I will do a little bondage with the intention that it is the appetizer for another encounter, which may not happen for a day or more afterwards. It's a great way to add some spice to my sex life when I want to take it up a notch.

When did you first realize you were into bondage?

I started thinking of myself as being "into bondage" by degrees; although I always knew *something* was different my whole life, it took some time to discover exactly what since I grew up in a very dogmatic religious household which set my expectations for the acceptable range of human behavior very narrowly. One formative moment was having seen the movie Conan the Barbarian, and waking up one morning to discover I'd had an erotic dream about the woman chained to a rock in one of the fight scenes. I was later treated to The Matrix, which then planted another seed with the interesting outfits and the night club scene, and my interest slowly grew from there. These both happened before I became an adult, but I didn't get to act on it until later.

How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant,
Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.

I'm primarily Dominant, although I feel that a partner with the right energy could entice me to try a different dynamic. I enjoy the feeling of power that I have over my partner's experience, particularly in rewarding their trust while at the same time engaging any particular triggers she finds stimulating. I like a good face-to-face struggle, too, so perhaps the label Primal applies as well.

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional?  (please elaborate)

My interest in bondage is probably more physical, although there is a strong emotional element as well. The two parts feed each other and are to some degree inseparable. I don't think I'm alone in feeling that the dominant tendencies that I tend to express with my sexual partners are related to my self-image and core personality; for better or worse, the acceptance (or lack thereof) of this part of myself is an inherently and powerfully emotional influence.

Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?

Some were explicitly attracted to me in part because of my openness to bondage, others merely found it to be an enticing sort of novelty, but they've all been positive about it. I've been lucky in that I seem to project a signal which attracts women who are open to this, even in street clothes and places that don't overtly suggest it as a topic of conversation.

Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.

I was fooling around at a friend's house with some rope and as flirtatious come-on asked a girl who was there "if I catch you, do I get to keep you?" She said yes, so I tied her to a chair and let her fight until she admitted she couldn't get out of it. We ended up dating for some time after that.

What was your best bondage experience?

My partner and I set aside an evening to address our favorite details. Music, candles, sexy clothes, rope tied to all corners of the bed- everything came together to put the total experience over the top. It wasn't anything complicated, but all the little things were on point and really made a solid impression for both of us.

What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?

I suggested a complicated nonsensical phrase once as a psychological ploy, but I've never had a safeword actually invoked. I've also considered using code words to communicate things besides "I need to stop" (which is what safe words usually mean) but instead to perhaps move forward to another stage of a role play scene without stepping out of character. I've not had time for anything quite that intricate, but perhaps someday...

What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?

Trust is critical, and frees my mind to attain the full potential of any private encounter. All parties should consider safety and consent carefully where escape or verbal objections are restrained; one bad experience can forever ruin the magic, especially if you're new to it. Get references for your play partners if you're engaging someone who claims to know what they're doing, and don't let anybody pressure you into anything you're not ready for. Take the time to do it right and the highs you can reach will amaze you.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

Find a local play space with a good vibe, and watch some real people (NOT porn stars putting on an act) who know what they're doing if you can, especially if you can respectfully ask them questions after they come down from the after-care experience; I've met a lot of friendly people willing to share great tips and tricks. Particularly as a Dom, knowing your toys and equipment and how to use them can keep the pacing right for where the tension needs to be, and knowing the communication aspects can greatly enhance the effect you're trying to get; I cannot stress effective communication enough, even if it's just body language or wordless verbalizations.

If you're skittish or don't have the money to dive in yet, there are some communities out there in Internet-land with groups where you can ask questions, get support and encouragement, and read how some of it works (FetLife has been a godsend). There are also postings for meetups where you can interact with others on public/neutral ground to kind of get your feet wet mentally in the fetish world and listen to others discuss with no pressure to get physically involved in anything. There's nothing like seeing it in person, though; there's often something exciting to learn, even if you've been doing bondage for many years. Even if you decide bondage is not for you, you may find some inspiration for what you do enjoy; there's an incredible variety of play that people engage in, and sometimes equipment, which would be far too expensive to own just for yourself, becomes a lot more accessible.

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com [1] and why?

Locking leather D-ring cuffs get the most use of anything in my toy box, followed by simple rope. I love gags, collars and clamps but if you don't have time to get fancy, a pair of cuffs and a little ingenuity with whatever's on hand can give you tons of possibilities and still leave you time to relax and enjoy yourselves; let me tell you: no regrets on that purchase.

What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?

I would love to do some sensual play in a remote area with a spectacular view such as a waterfall or a canyon. Letting loose your private self as part of something huge, immersive, and beautiful is a life-affirming goal, worthy of anyone's bucket list. Because of social norms and what I do professionally, I have to keep a low profile, but I might risk taking some pictures for such an occasion :-)

What is Eskimo ice?

If the Aurora Borealis is out strong, it sounds like a place with a great view to have the kind of fun I was just talking about... either that, or a brand of diabolical torture devices that leave no evidence behind ;-)

What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?

I'll misquote Jeff Dunham's character Achmed the Dead Terrorist (this isn't exactly word-for-word, but this version might make more sense for those who haven't seen one of his comedy shows). You can find the authentic version on YouTube, I'm sure:

A: Knock knock

J: Who's there?

A: Silence! I kill you!

Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice,
thoughts or more knock-knock jokes?  We are all ears and ball gags.

Don't get too caught up with the labels people use; they are there to help describe what we do, not to limit our options. Find something you like, change it up, and make it yours. Grab life by the horns and stare it down. Or tie it to the canopy of the bed and spank it until it begs for mercy, whatever works for you :-D Hey, you ask me questions about bondage and expect PG-13 answers!? I think somebody's asking to get in trouble. Be very careful what you wish for, some dreams do come true!