Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Jane and I have been married over 25 years, have two adult children (no grandkids yet, but do often watch the grand-dogs), and enjoy our careers as public servants. I work outdoors and like activities like camping; Jane camps, but much prefers the comforts of a hotel.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
Probably as a kid playing out movie scenes, where someone was tied to a tree awaiting either torture or rescue, that sort of thing. The feeling of being helpless, but trusting someone would rescue you – anxiety and hope rolled into one.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I definitely Switch. I love the feeling of being restrained, but also relish seeing Jane’s nude form struggling, arms tied overhead to a bedpost.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
I’d say the desire is both physical and emotional. Jane and I like sensation play, me perhaps more than her. I particularly like the feel of cold metal (I’m warm natured), while it produces squeals from Jane (she prefers hot stone massage). I also love the feel of Jane’s skin rubbing against mine; playful nibbles, pinches, or a slap on the bum. Neither of us likes anything particularly intense, though I do like our violet wand. Just relating this little bit is arousing to me, so my emotional connection with Jane is central to my desire for bondage. While I find bondage images arousing, I’m even more excited when I imagine Jane with me in some encounter.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
My only partner has been Jane, so our relationship has evolved quite a bit over time. We initially used the missionary position, but as our relationship matured we tried others things (nothing too acrobatic). It was me who broached the topic. I particularly liked Jane on top and asked her to pin my arms overhead. Later we used silk scarves for restraints and blindfolds, then graduated to cuffs, both soft and metal, nipple clamps, pinwheels & etc. We took things gradually, no surprises (well, maybe little ones), keeping to the sensations we enjoy.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
We like a lot of foreplay before sex and especially enjoy having our hair brushed or combed. The teeth tingling our scalps, or tickling other sensitive areas is great. We often sit in a chair opposite a mirror so we can watch each other’s reactions. I once asked Jane to use a scarf to tie my hands behind the chair while she stroked my hair and body with the brush – perhaps tame for some, but it felt great. By the time we jumped into bed, I was about to explode.
What was your best bondage experience?
I eventually convinced Jane to purchase a Liberator Black Label wedge/ramp combo. After extensive foreplay, I was restrained and she mounted me, one hand at my throat and one over my heart. I guess it was a combination rape/sacrifice fantasy for me, and was quite intense. But as far as my best experience, I’m sure that is yet to come.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
We talked about one, but since we don’t really play out first person scenarios, we haven’t required one. We tried pretending to be someone else, but neither of us found it useful. Our play is pretty tame (though I do like knife/edge play); we simply tell each other what feels good and what does not and act accordingly.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
The bond (pun intended) of trust that develops between partners is critical. You must have faith in each other for any relationship to work, and this is especially so when you delve into practices that can be frightening and potentially harmful. Building trust takes time, something that I feel is not truly possible for casual flings.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
See above; take the time to know your partner. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well. We’re a society that craves instant gratification, but anyone who has delved into bondage can appreciate the denial of restraint and the joy of subsequent release. Also, be creative and have fun together; Jane gets tickled with me because I continually look for unconventional ways to use everyday objects in sensation play.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
As I mentioned, I like cold sensations, so my favorites include the various metal shackles you offer, pinwheels and such, and your metal collar with nipple clamps.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I would love to be involved in a three-way with two women who restrained me and had their way with me. Yeah, I know, typical male. But I realize, in my case at least, that it’s pure fantasy. Neither of us could share our love making with someone else. It’s not compatible with our marriage beliefs. I don’t know how one could build that trust with a third party and maintain it with the love of your life. I’m not judging those that feel that it works; it just wouldn’t work for me.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
You know, I enjoy a good joke, but I can’t remember them or tell them well.
What is Eskimo ice?
Not sure; an Eskimo pie that melted and then refroze?