Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Mild-mannered healthcare IT worker.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I was starting college when widespread Internet access was just becoming available. Access to the Internet naturally brought exposure to all kinds of never-before-seen erotica and my hormone-soaked mind was blown wide open. The theme that triggered the most instant and powerful arousal was bondage and restraint, the more elaborate, restrictive and sensual, the better.
Switch. As intensely arousing as it is to see and feel my partner lose her composure and climax straining against her restraints, I find it equally arousing to feel restrained and surrender myself to the sensation of the straps, gag, etc.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
I think the physical and visual sensations are intertwined with the emotional experience. I don’t think it’s ever been purely one or the other.
I’ve never been into the SM side, I prefer strict, yet comfortable restraint. A few of my partners enjoyed a spank or the odd sting of a whip and I’m happy to oblige (to a point) but pain has never been much of a turn on for me personally.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Yes, I’ve never had a partner who rejected the idea. The response has varied from simply ‘indulging’ me up to enthusiastic participation (thankfully mostly the latter.)
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
Nervous and awkward! We were in our first year of college and neither of us had tried it before. The only equipment I had was some soft nylon rope. We spent a good hour fiddling with knots and giggling before giving up and engaging in more ‘conventional’ activites. This was my first lesson that preparation and knowing your equipment was key.
What was your best bondage experience?
Being surprised by a new partner telling me that she was quite into bondage and upon seeing my collection of gear, picking out my favorite harness gag and asking me to use it on her!
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
I often use gags so I tend to use a specific sequence of grunts (like morse code) as a safeword.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Knowing your partner’s likes/dislikes, limits, interests, turn-ons/turn-offs beforehand. You don’t have to understand them, just know them. Personally, the last thing I want is a partner who is scared (actually scared) turned off, in unwanted pain (I am into bondage and sensual restraint, not so much SM) or just disinterested or bored.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Apart from setting the ground rules with your partner first, I’d suggest knowing your equipment very well. Know how to put it on, take it off, which strap goes in which buckle, etc so you’re not fumbling around in the dark all night. Try your gear on yourself first (as possible) to find out what the experience is like, to find out which gag/collar is most comfortable (or least) in which setup, etc., and practice putting it on and getting it off. Knowing this will give you a great sense of which gear to use for whatever experience you’re aiming for.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
My all-time favorite is the Slave’s Choice Sturdy Ballgag Trainer (I have the classic black leather/candy apple red). This is the most comfortable gag I have (I have about a dozen of various types) It just feels great and can be worn for long periods. The twin straps down the back of the head are a MUST for me (I dislike how some trainer style gags have only a single strap down the back of the head which always falls to one side or the other eventually.)
Another favorite is the Total Control 4” Posture Collar (I have the clear PVC and black rubber ones). They’re very strict but surprisingly comfortable, especially as they warm up from body heat and form to the neck even better.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
Someday I’d like to have some proper bondage furniture, like a big bed with lots of tie-down points around it, or a reclining chair…
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Yoda Lady Who?
What is Eskimo ice?