Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I'm a white male in my mid-40's with a pair of college degrees, fours cats and a career in information technology. I was a competitive weight lifter and body builder until back surgery 10 years ago put an end to all that nonsense. I have never been married and have no children but I have a wonderful girlfriend who is also my dedicated submissive.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I know this will sound incredulous, but I was attracted to bondage before I knew what bondage, or even sex, was. I found an unusual attraction to seeing people tied up / handcuffed and I got my mom to buy me a pair of metal cuffs (with a safety release) when I was seven. My parents thought it was because I wanted to be a police officer :)
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I am an unabashed Dom and I never switch under any conditions. I let a girl handcuff me one time about 17 years ago and I hated it. I have been in relationships with women who are switches, but with me they always play the submissive role.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
From the time I became sexually active at 15 until probably my early to mid 30's, bondage was simply a part of sex. I was a young man and horny (like all young men) but I knew I liked my sex a little different than what was considered...mainstream. Remember, a good deal of this time was before the Internet so there wasn't a lot of information out there. There was even a period where I wondered if I was abnormal because I liked to tie women up; the sheer volume of lovers that I had who enjoyed it led me to conclude that BDSM was more accepted than I thought.
As my access to information grew so did my insight; what I really craved was the trust a sub gives you, the whole power exchange. That's when bondage began to transcend from the purely physical to having a more emotional edge to it. I'm a very private person and I was never involved in the BDSM community, so this realization probably took longer for me that it has with others.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
For the most part, yes, and initially I was very surprised by how well my advances were received. I can honestly say that of the lovers I've asked to try bondage, the acceptance rate was probably in the neighborhood of 90% and of those, probably 90% was their first time. I take a small amount of personal satisfaction in knowing that I've introduced others into "our world" even if it was only fleeting.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
So this was really cool. As a junior in high school I moved out west to live with my biological father for a year before moving back to the Midwest to live with my mom and graduate (so I could have in-state tuition). I had made a lot of friends in my one year out west and for spring break I bought myself a plane ticket (at the ripe old age of 17 with my earnings as a busboy in a fine dining restaurant) to go visit them. By happenstance earlier in the year I had found a handcuff key and added it to my key ring, which I took on vacation. My friends and I went to a "teen dance" and I met up with a girl (we'll call her Heather) I had taken a Biology class with the previous year. My best friend, Heather, another girl, and me, took off, bought some beer and went back to his house since his parents were on vacation. Heather and I started making out in a TV room with a small loveseat and when we slid off in our teenage lust, the pillows on the loveseat came off and revealed, no joke...a pair of metal handcuffs. I ran downstairs, grabbed my keys and…voilà, the key cuff worked. She was a little nervous (and of course my brain was doing summersaults), but she let me handcuff her "in front only" and….that was that. It was a helluva night.
What was your best bondage experience?
I'm going to skip this one because it would be unfair to categorize a single experience as the best.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
In this sense I'm lame because it has always been "Red" or simply "Stop", but because of my love of ballgags the most common "safeword" has been three loud snaps of the fingers in quick succession. That have come in useful a couple of times and I would never go without one.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Without a doubt, communication with your partner, especially in the beginning and double so if they are not experienced. My current sub had no experience and I was very gentle in easing her along. Now I'm the one that needs to talk less and rely on her for feedback.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
I can only say this from a Dom-to-Dom perspective, but I would say to communicate with your sub before a play session and then get feedback afterwards so you can continue to fine-tune the experience. Make a sub feel safe, secure and build trust and she will reward you in ways you cannot imagine.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
I've been ordering from sub-shop since 1998 and for me it's the gags. I believe I now own 14, all from sub-shop.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
Sexually speaking, I have been a very, very lucky man and only time will tell if there is something I want to experience I haven't already done. In the last few years I've experimented more with the S&M side of things and had a pair of 24/7 slaves, something I couldn't have even imagined 10 years ago. I'm very happy with the experiences I've had and only the future knows what will come.