Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I’m a fourth year medical student in a bigger Midwestern city. I’m a big fan of running, cycling, cooking, and craft beer. I’m currently in a monogamous relationship with a woman and I identify as bisexual. I try to never take myself too seriously.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
Looking back, I remember being a little more interested than most whenever I someone got tied up in a TV show or movie. When I was a pre-teen, just before I discovered that bondage was actually A Thing, there was a show on basic cable that showed a magician “revealing magic’s secrets.” I had no real interest in the content -- the show was incredibly corny and probably objectively terrible -- but turns out that there’s a lot of bondage in magic! I don’t remember if I understood exactly why I made sure to see every episode, but I know that seeing people willingly “submit” to being restrained pushed a few buttons in my head. I’m sure that my parents were worried that I would turn out to be an odd little magician kid. I wonder if they’d be relieved to know that I just grew up to be a fun, kinky perv instead.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I’m definitely a switch. Where on the spectrum I fall depends a little on my mood, but I probably lean towards the topping part of the spectrum more often than not. I’m having so much fun exploring each of the roles that I can’t imagine settling on one. Since my partner likes to tease me for being a bit of a bleeding heart, I’d wager she’d go with Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn, which certainly sounds more impressive than “switch.”
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (Please elaborate)
It’s difficult to separate the two. I think that my partner looks incredibly hot bound, gagged, and exposed, and looking up at her when she’s feeling toppy is incredibly sexy as well. On the emotional side, I think the anticipation, tension, and intensity that bondage brings to play really helps you connect with your partner. Locking eyes with someone as they beg to orgasm as you feel them pulling against their restraints is a unique emotional and physical experience that I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
I’ve been incredibly lucky. While my first true long-term partner wasn’t into bondage per se, she enjoyed a couple of aspects of kinky play and was a great example of Dan Savage’s good, giving and game: “good in bed, giving of pleasure, and game for anything within reason.” I’ve also had a wonderful play partner whom I met on a kink community social media site. Our short-term relationship was founded on our shared interest in kink and bondage, so there was no worry about acceptance there.
I met my current partner through typical “vanilla” dating, so I was as surprised as she was when we clicked on that level. She told me early on in our relationship that after two dates, though she was very attracted to me, she was sure I would be into “boring ‘generic-dude’ sex.” Apparently, a guy who was “well-dressed and talked about feminism over drinks” wasn’t what she pictured when she thought of the partner that could throw her over his knee before some rough sex. Having a romantic partner who has a shared interest in bondage and BDSM makes everything so collaborative and fun. I get the feeling that we are almost trying to one-up each other now and love that I can come to her with “guess what I just thought of!”
In high school I handcuffed a friend in the backseat of her dad’s Prius. I would later learn that we were a terrible match and that crappy metal handcuffs are extremely uncomfortable. I should really just leave that story at the first sentence when I tell it in the future.
What was your best bondage experience?
If I had to choose, I’d pick a recent play opportunity with my current partner. Using some rope, I tied her kneeling with her back to the headboard of the bed, arms pulled to the top corners and knees to the left and right corners of the bed frame. I added a head harness ball gag and topped it off with a wand vibrator tied to into a hip and breast rope-harness. Some nipple clamps gave me something to play with if I thought she needed a distraction from the vibration. She was whimpering before I flipped it on. I reassured her, teasing that the manual for the vibrator warned against continuous use longer than 15 minutes, secretly expecting to make her “ordeal” much shorter than that. Just watching her squirm, moan, and laugh must have been distracting, because 15 minutes came pretty quickly and so did she, again, and again. (Uhg, that pun is terrible; I’ll edit it out later).
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
My partner and I use the boring-but-effective “stoplight” system: “red” for stop and “yellow” to signal “ease up” without stopping the play. Maybe we should get a little more creative… Given that my partner likes to tease me about my dislike of a particular variety of beer, (we’ve taken to hiding bottles of it in each other’s things) from here on out we’ll use “corona” as our safe word.
What do you feel is most important to you about the experience of bondage?
When I’m topping, I love how kinky play gives you a creative outlet. There are worse ways to waste an afternoon than doing some sexy daydreaming, wondering about what kind of play different bondage positions might offer. The sight of my bound partner looking up at me and the “power trip” that brings is also a favorite. I probably feel my sexiest when I’m successfully crafting a great scene and getting exactly the reactions that I was hoping for
When bottoming, I like that being submissive gives you permission to kind of “turn off” and just ride the wave that your partner helps set in motion. Obviously, you’re not completely passive, but not having to “drive” at all puts me in an amazing headspace. Sitting, kneeling, or laying there, feeling objectified and knowing that you just have to do as you’re told is a sexy and paradoxically freeing experience. I’m also finding that I enjoy the “endurance” aspect of pain and I love the electric, rising feeling of warmth that comes to my skin with impact play.
Finally, I can’t forget to talk about trust. Obviously trust is important before even starting to play with someone, but bondage is a fantastic way to build trust with your partner, too. Trusting your partner to approach, and maybe push your limits really lets you dive into the excitement and fun of the play. This is how you get to the point where you look up at the clock and think “damn, it’s been two hours?”
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Play how you want to play and have fun. While some will want to slip into Super Serious roles of “cold, sneering dominatrix” or “stern, humorless master,” a lot of people will probably be better off just starting off with playing as themselves. (Though there’s no reason you can’t move onto those more elaborate roles later if that’s your thing!)
When I’m topping, I’m smiling more often than not and last time my partner was topping she cracked a beer to “tease” me. Any kind of sex is objectively a little ridiculous, if you really think about it. For us, feeling free to laugh and smile during BDSM play makes things easier to roll with. It is called “play,” after all. All that matters is that you and your partner(s) have a fun and sexy time, no matter what that looks like.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Rope, in general, is really indispensable to me. I love how versatile it is and the creativity it allows. Doing more complex play with rope lets me be methodical and deliberate; putting the control that I have front and center while letting me connect with my partner. More specifically, I’m also really into gags, so I’ll mention our sturdy leather head harness gag with a purple ball as a favorite in a growing collection. I love the way it looks and begging just sounds sexier through a gag. Don’t get me started on drooling, *Swoon.*
On the bottoming side, we also recently bought a plastic male chastity cage that is a total blast. While I’m not into long-term orgasm control, an extended session of tease and denial is a real rollercoaster for a short scene. Seeing how much my partner loves teasing me is incredible, and the cage adds some physical pressure to the mental “pressure” and tension of the denial.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
We just recently started discussing how hot it would be to dominate another male or female partner together. Right now, this is just limited to some (incredibly hot) dirty talk, and a flirty discussion with another couple, but we’ll see where the fantasy takes us. Likewise, I think it would be amazing to bottom to a male-female pair as well.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
I don’t know if I have a favorite knock-knock joke, so I’ll just give you my favorite bad one-liner:
“A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre, so he gives it to her.”
What is Eskimo ice?
I believe the proper term is Inuit Frozen Water :P
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.
Just the clichés of not being afraid to try something new and to have fun! Don’t be afraid to mess up; those are often the best stories. Great sex is worth the time and effort.