Don't Deny Your Sexual Self! Here's Why!


So often in life, we wait for the things we really want to come forward. The promise of a “better tomorrow” can seem so alluring that we put off what we really want today. Delayed gratification is a great thing, but perhaps happiness now needs to be our new theme. At least in some things….

For example, I have a friend who is single and adores cock cages. I believe to count he has six of them. Yet, he says he doesn’t wear them. (although I believe he sneaks into them occasionally….*wink*) When I asked him why, he said he was “waiting for the right woman to put them into them”. My thought was, ”okay, great…but what are you doing to find her?” Are you going out to singles events? Have you tried online dating? Are you doing group classes at your local gym? Are you active in volunteering (which is a great way to meet people with the same interests)? To each question, he replied, “no”. I shook my head and said, “why not?” After a soft sigh and looking at me with sad eyes, he replied, “I’m waiting for the right women to come along and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be”.

At this point, my head exploded and 3 pounds of glitter, unicorn jizz and rainbows came out of it. I couldn’t understand why if happiness was within his reach, he didn’t grab for it. Life is short. And a life spent being unhappy can be even shorter. Social researchers often use the term quality of life (QOL) to describe what is commonly called “happiness.” The QOL measures average achievements based on three dimensions: 1. life-span, as measured by life expectancy at birth. 2. Education, as measured by the adult literacy rate and average amount of years spent in school in adults over 25 3. Standard of living, as measured by GDP per capita in purchasing power parity (PPP) terms in US dollars. And as Americans or other people living in developed countries, our lives may be longer due to easy access to medicines and other health factors but our happiness is much less.

Here are simple facts that will open your eyes to the fact that living longer doesn't make one happy and that living in the most developed country in the world doesn't mean that you'll live longer.

Happiest country in the World: ( 1= happiest)

1. Nigeria ( Nigerian have one of the lowest life expectancy)

2. Mexico (developing country)

3. Venezuela (developing country)

4. El Salvador (developing country)

5. Puerto Rico (developing country)

Life Expectancy by countries: (1= best)

1. Japan (but 39th Happiest country in the world)

2. Hong Kong

3. Iceland

4. Switzerland

5. Australia

--> 182. Nigeria (Happiest Country in the world)

--> Cuban, Costa Ricas and Chilean has a better life expectancy than Americans with access to health care and vaccinations.

So, it would seem that we are living longer…but not real happy about it. How does this relate to cock cages you may ask? Well…let me tell you. Being in that cock cage would have made him happy. And being lovingly put in a cock cage by a woman he adores would have made him elated. But he was too stuck in his head, waiting for the magic of “tomorrow” to go after what he really wanted today.

I can tell you firsthand as someone who can take delayed gratification too far (I’ll just wait to eat lunch when I get these next 5 things done…two hours later), it’s not a fun life. It took me years to learn how to enjoy myself and it’s oddly more work than not…but the payouts are AMAZING! Once I finally let go of the “shoulds” in my life and started embracing the “coulds”, my happiness factor went up dramatically. Instead of being the girl in the back of the room at spin class, I was the white girl happy white girl awkwardly dancing off beat in Zumba class.

My point is that is life is too short to be lived without cock cages, ball gags and all the other magical things that go “O” in the night. Instead of waiting for that perfect person to come to your door and to tell you ,”hi, I’m your soul mate, let’s play”. Why not go after them? Go to a singles event, try an online dating service, or just be open with your current girlfriend or boyfriend about what it is that you really want in life.

You will never truly know happiness if you deny yourself the chance to be open to it. By letting go of all the things that you think should be and allowing for all the things that could be, you are not only giving yourself a better life but you are increasing the days in your life. Happy people live longer! In a study from the UK, er people who said they were happy, even for a little while, were less likely to die over a five-year period. And the happier they were, the longer they lived. So, think of this as the key to a happy, long life. Reach out for the sex life you want and be responsible for it. If you can’t find anyone to put you in a cock cage, then put yourself in one. Or a ball gag. Or ahood. Whatever it is that makes you happy!

Find your happy place and go to it often. Don’t leave your toys in a box waiting for tomorrow. Take them out and play with them, enjoy them and love them. Not only let happiness into your life but go after it! Being happy is a choice and so is sexual fulfillment. Choosing to own yourself and your sexuality is one of the most powerful and life affirming things you can do for yourself. Let go and be happy. I dare you….

And another PS – For Stacy:

This is a personal note to Stacy from Deviant Art. I’ve written you three times and the system for deviant art says you are not found. I’m not sure if this means you are no longer on Deviant Art or perhaps your inbox is just full. Either way, I wanted to let you know that I received your note and I’m sending you a huge hug. Life can be difficult at times but it’s the difficult times where we grow the most. I’m so sorry for everything that you went through but it truly seems as though you are better off for the experience. Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to, but with faith and determination we can move forward. I truly believe that when life hands you lemons, you must *chuck that junk* and go and get a Diet Pepsi.

*mmm….delicious* Thank you again for your sweet note and I feel so truly blessed and honored to have been a part of your amazing journey of healing and true soul fulfilling happiness. My wish for you to have many magical nights filled with love and amazing O’s, followed by a morning filled with after shocks and goofy smiles at your desk the next day.  May your new adventure bring you everything you ever wanted and so much more.

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