There’s something unhinged about strutting through a coffee shop wearing a pink heart lock collar that looks innocent enough to pass as “quirky fashion” but is actually a ticking time bomb of secrets. I sat there sipping my latte, pretending to be normal, while the barista called it “adorable” and I tried not to choke on the foam, thinking about how it had been locked on me just hours earlier by someone who *definitely* wasn’t thinking about coffee. The absurdity of it all hit me when I caught my reflection in the pastry case—sweet, wholesome, and totally vanilla on the outside, while my real thoughts were more “matching hot pink cuffs and a leash waiting at home.” By the time I got through the door later, their, their smirk said it all. “Good day?” they asked, already holding the key. Better than good. Ridiculous. Kinky. Perfect.