Meet Taped2

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

I’m 63 years old. I’ve been married (to the same woman!) for forty years. My wife and I are both retired. When we were first married we played around with bondage as foreplay and I was able to purchase some leather bondage gear at Northbound Leather in Toronto (in the 1980s and 90s). The trouble was, we didn’t really know what we were doing. My wife was very shy and not much into submission. I just assumed I was to be the dominant.

I had been collecting bondage magazines from Harmony Communications and House of Milan, which mostly featured women in bondage. HOM did have some magazines that featured female domination and male subs, but for some reason they didn’t appeal to me. Perhaps it was because the bondage was – in general – less competently executed on the male models.

So as a dominant, I was close to incompetent and really lacking confidence and knowledge. And my wife was barely willing to be tied up. But recently, many years later, to spice up our sex life which had been dormant for years, I suggested we return to this idea of BDSM. The difference now was: I was prepared to explore the submissive role, and my wife was willing to try to become my domme. Amazingly, it worked! Slowly, over the last year, we have been having weekly bondage “dates” that include corporal punishment, role-playing, mutual masturbation, and my submission to my wife: both of us dressed in appropriate kinky attire.

When did you first realize you were into bondage?

There were a number of clues. As a ten-year-old, I really enjoyed pictures of boys and girls in bondage or distress (e.g., Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys books). For a time,I was really fascinated with articles on skin diving and deep sea diving in the encyclopedia (full rubber suit, pressurized suit with weights and steel pressurized helmet). I was about eight or nine years old when I discovered the encyclopedia articles. I was fond of women on TV such as Diana Rigg of The Avengers and the female characters in the Batman series in the 1960s such as Catwoman and Batgirl. Tight fitting black leather or other skin-tight suits were a real turn on. Comic books had many bondage scenes in them too, and females in comics were my favourites, even after the Comics Code Authority was introduced in the 1950s.

How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.

Switch. Definitely a switch. I enjoy playing the submissive with my wife because it is a way for her to enter into the game of BDSM. I’m probably the more assertive or the one who presents like he’s a “know-it-all” to those outside our relationship.

So now it’s a great relief to give whatever authority she has given me in our vanilla life back to her under our kinky scenarios. I trust her fully and we both want a healthy active sex life. Even though we have been married forty years, there is no reason to stop trying to please one’s partner and to experience the joys of intimacy.

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)

Until I had felt the sensation of being in full bondage – that is, where I was entirely helpless, unable to escape and reliant on my partner – I would have said that bondage is an emotional state. But since I’ve felt a significant change of mental state when I am truly helpless and struggling to follow orders, bring pleasure, or reach a climax, I have to say my desire is much easier to perceive as a physical thing.

I’ve lately taken to wearing a chastity cage, with my mistress’s (wife’s) approval. And that is an example of bondage centred on one part of the body that is primarily physical. However, chastity’s side-effects for a man include increased feelings of subservience to one’s partner (whether they are a key holder or not) and increased affection, intimacy, and gentle behaviours towards one’s lover (all heightened states of emotion).

What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?

To me, it is a lifestyle. It’s a lifestyle that my wife and I are gradually moving towards by lengthening the duration and frequency of our sessions, by discussing our play with each other more often, and by learning more about it via books, movies (such as “Bonding” on Netflix), and internet websites like Chasity Mansion, and yes, the Sub-Shop. It’s a lifestyle that lives beneath our vanilla clothes, like my chastity cage is a physical marker of desires and a relationship that remains hidden.

Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?

Over the years, bondage and submission have been difficult topics to broach and to keep talking about. My wife and I have not always been the most open of communicators. I have never attempted to communicate an interest in bondage to anyone other than her. I have not had a large number of lovers, even when I was young and unmarried.

Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.

It would have been self-bondage as a teenager. Tying my legs while in bed (at night). Gagging myself with a handkerchief and belt. Tying up other kids in the neighbourhood while playing cowboys and Indians. Being tied up by other kids in the neighbourhood as a young teen.

What was your best bondage experience?

My best bondage experience is frequently changing. They have been happening a lot recently. My wife recently tied my elbows with rope and ran rope across my shoulders and under my arms to cinch the elbow tie delightfully (and tight). She is now able to expertly put a head harness gag on me (tightly). And I was recently tied in a firm and inescapable rope hogtie on the floor of our bedroom. My wife is becoming quite confident at handling ropes, leather harnesses, whips, paddles and canes. She has learned to lead me around on a leash and to slap me when warranted. She is learning how to clamp nipples. She is developing a sense of how to attach her submissive to fixed objects (like a ceiling ring, a bed, a restraint plinth I built out of spare wood and a few fasteners from the hardware store). She is becoming much more confident in her costuming as my domme. She is buying gloves and other accessories as needed. I am still the one who goes to the local sex shop or fetish shop. The growth of her confidence in BDSM play is my best experience. Her former fear of the whole lifestyle seems to be vanishing.

What is the most creative safe word you have ever used?

Nothing fancy. In a session she is normally referred to as “mistress.” If I want to get her attention, in order to stop some type of activity. I switch to using her real first name and I say it (“Katherine”) in a non-submissive (i.e., a slightly urgent tone). Even if I am gagged I have been able to change the manner of my groan to indicate that something needs her attention.

What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?

In terms of results, intimacy in both partners and the resulting closeness when bondage is in process, and also when it is over. This is the most important thing to me.

A close second important thing would be the opportunity bondage represents to get out of your regular roles (and we both have many roles within one life) and to drop into sub-space (or domme-space) for a few hours. These “spaces” are fancy words for a simpler and blissfully naïve sensation of one’s self, within one’s body. Whether one is surrendering power or judiciously exercising power over another, doing this (accessing another way of thinking for a while) can be tremendously relaxing and therapeutic.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

Only do it with a partner you really, really trust. Someone you could give your banking information to in full confidence that no money will ever go missing. It’s an add-on to your love relationship. It is not your whole relationship.

The second essential thing I would say is: communicate with your partner as if your life depended on it. It does. Take the risks with that person. Enjoy the rewards. The love we receive is equal to the love we give. Give your love through bondage. Don’t forget to laugh. Don’t be a perfectionist. Encourage your lover; never criticize their techniques; only suggest alternative ways to have fun; be open-minded and forgiving of them, always. Forgive yourself too. Make up after disagreements as soon as possible.

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?

Ha, ha. So much to choose from. I personally am a big fan of leather restraints made of the heaviest, thickest grades of leather. I like the panel gags and head harnesses you make, though for men they could use to come in slightly larger sizes. Ball gags are another favourite of mine. My wife really loves a long wooden paddle covered in leather that I bought from you last year. She finds the weight and length manageable, the effects are just what she wants, and she hits me with it over and over.(There’s a satisfied customer.)

What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?

Bondage outdoors.

If you had to be trapped in a tv show for a month, which would you choose and why?

The Big Bang Theory. (I know it was recently discontinued.) I just loved the characters. They were the kind of people I would fit in with. They seem to love each other, even though they frequently misunderstand each other. Misunderstandings are the driving force in comedy.

Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or a silly knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.

I can’t think of anything at the moment. But next week . . . something that only I think is momentous will come to me.