Ask Autumn: Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid To Get Kinky

I promise I won't blab!

I'd like to hear from you if you have a question for me! I know when I first began playing in the D&S realm, I had a lot of questions! Ask me your questions from mild to wild - from everyday life to the out-of-the-ordinary. Also, please let me know if it's okay to post your question here so others can provide their feedback to your question and so that others who may have the same question (but may be too shy to ask) can benefit also. If you'd prefer to keep your question private, that's okay too! Some of the questions that I've been given permission to post are below. If you have a good response and would like to share it, please send it to me! If you'd like your advice to remain confidential, please note this in your response. To all of you asking your questions, thank you for your input. I hope this can be an open, honest forum providing good, sound advice based on real life experience bondage and fetish issues for those less experienced and curious, beginning bondsters.

C'mon, don't be shy - ask away! Still shy? Go to www.hotmail.com, excite, or one of many others email providers to get your own free anonymous mailbox that I and others can respond to. (See how easy this is?) Then come right back and find out what you want to know. (Please!)

Your bondage questions don't have to be posted here. Ask away and I'll try to get to them as quickly as possible! I won't let your secrets slip!

Do you have bondage or fetish questions for Autumn? Of course you do! *g*

Please send them to Autumn@sub-shop.com.

Hello, Autumn!

Until I found your site, I didn't think I could ever get into BDSM. But after seeing the adorable stuff you have here, well, I can't wait to become the perfect slave! Now, you have some great advice in your bondage lessons section. I have already discussed my bondage fantasies with my husband/Master. He was very uncertain of the idea at first but with a little more discussion on my part, letting him know how important it is to me... he's agreed to give it a try (at least sometimes). Now, my problem, you ask? Well my hubby is a very large man (6 foot 3 inches tall and 360 pounds) and is the most gentle soul you could ever meet. He just can't seem to use the amount of force on me I need. He says he's terrified of hurting me. When he "spanks" me it's barely a tap. I have to ask him several times to do it harder an even then he'll only use a tiny bit more force. Now, I've got a really high pain threshold so I tell him he can use much more force and it won't bother me. How in the world does one "train" a master to use enough force in his "punishments" to turn a naughty slave like me on?

masterless slave

Hi,

To get what you want, you'll have to give what he wants. *g* When he spanks you as hard as you like, do for him what he likes. When he doesn't spank you hard enough, he gets a watered down version. *g*

It's important to let him know you like it. Many men are raised to not hurt and be respectful and protective of women (especially someone as large as your husband, who could really hurt someone). Let him know that spanking you is okay because you really want it and let him know by your actions /sounds/etc. (Play it up - maybe he'll swat you harder to hear you moan or let out little yips of pleasure.)

A good relationship is based on give and take, and this is especially true in BDSM relationships. You've already talked about it – bring him to my site to let him know there really are women out there that enjoy this type of thing and that he's not being mean or hurtful to you. It's just a game you'd like to play and, more importantly, that it can be fun and rewarding for him too!

Good luck and have fun!

Autumn

Dear Autumn,

As I am sure you and others will get a kick out of this, I am pleased to present you with my dilemma, as inconsequential as it may seem. I am a 21 year old single fem, and I feel that I am just now realizing what I want intimately. I was recently in a relationship with a man older than me, and he introduced me to this new world (although I had sexual thoughts that fell under BDSM). However, he is into cross dressing and role reversal, which doesn't bother me at all, but I have this insecurity that makes me afraid I am unable to fulfill his fantasy. I have had fantasies of being with women, but in the same regards I love men, so I don't think that it is his desire to dress that bothers me. I just know that I have an extreme fantasy of being held captive and being used like a sub-fem slave. I guess my question is, how do I get past my fear to please him, and how do I bring out the dom-master that I desire? We have talked about our preferences and he is more that willing to help me experience anything I so desire within reason, but I am new to this whole realm (and very intrigued and aroused), and just need some pointers from a woman on how to move past the fear, the feeling of being stupid, and how to get what you want, as well to be able to return the favor.

Truly yours,

Cuffs and kisses,

Dreamweaver

Hi Dreamweaver,

First of all… Take a big breath and relax, sweetie. :) This is sex... It's supposed to be fun! (so have fun - darn it!) *chuckle* Seriously though, don't forget that this is what it's about – pleasure, fun, and intimacy. I can see you have already taken that first step by talking with your sweetie about what you want – but my advice is talk, talk, talk! (more!) :) Instead of concentrating on your nervous feelings – concentrate on how much fun you will both have! :) Explore your feelings, desires, needs, and wants... and cherish his! :) Ask him what his fantasy is – and if he is too shy – ask him to write it in an email or leave a note for you on the table in the morning! :) (And, of course, you can do to the same!) I wish you the best sex ever!

Warm hugs,

Autumn :)

C'mon - go ahead and send me your own questions! I may not be a world class therapist, but I am your BDSM friend who cares! Besides, the question you might be afraid to ask might be the same issue that someone else is dealing with who is also afraid to ask. So just do it!

I promise not to bite... Unless you want me to!