Ask Autumn: Solutions to Being Overheard & Oversharing in Public

I promise I won't blab!

I'd like to hear from you if you have a question for me! I know when I first began playing in the D&S realm, I had a lot of questions! Ask me your questions from mild to wild - from everyday life to the out-of-the-ordinary. Also, please let me know if it's okay to post your question here so others can provide their feedback to your question and so that others who may have the same question (but may be too shy to ask) can benefit also. If you'd prefer to keep your question private, that's okay too! Some of the questions that I've been given permission to post are below. If you have a good response and would like to share it, please send it to me! If you'd like your advice to remain confidential, please note this in your response. To all of you asking your questions, thank you for your input. I hope this can be an open, honest forum providing good, sound advice based on real life experience bondage and fetish issues for those less experienced and curious, beginning bondsters.

C'mon, don't be shy - ask away! Still shy? Go to www.hotmail.com, excite, or one of many others email providers to get your own free anonymous mailbox that I and others can respond to. (See how easy this is?) Then come right back and find out what you want to know. (Please!)

Your bondage questions don't have to be posted here. Ask away and I'll try to get to them as quickly as possible! I won't let your secrets slip!

Do you have bondage or fetish questions for Autumn? Of course you do! *g*

Please send them to Autumn@sub-shop.com.

Hi Autumn! Love your site! I have a few questions. I am engaged to the greatest man in the world and we have recently had fun exploring our new sexuality together! I am very lucky that although we are taking it slow, we are both having fun! I have an issue about loud sex – we live in an old house that was converted into apartments. You can hear everything that goes on in each others' apartments. Our neighbors both above and beside us can hear us having sex (which I love!). One problem – I overhear my upstairs neighbor (who is able to hear us loud and clear through the heater vents) talking to his friends about how he thinks that I am being abused because he hears all of this smacking and my guy calling me a slut, among other things. I feel weird because though we rarely see each other (because we have separate entrances) but I have overheard him talking on several occasions about this. Do I leave a note for him? Do I just ignore it? I feel awful that anyone would think that he was abusing me. The last few sex times I have felt like I had to silence my yells much to our disappointment. I like to be loud and it's not like I can't hear the other people having sex! I want to enjoy ourselves but I can't bear thinking that someone thinks he hurts me. How do I approach my neighbor? A gag by the way is out of the question – I find them sexy but my man is just starting into this and I worry it'd be too much.

Another question: what positions can you suggest would be best with my legs bound? I know it can usually find its way in there but I would like to know to explain to my man because he is very technically minded and has to know where to put what before we do it. (Kinda unsexy but I write him a description of what I want done exactly in his lunchbag so when he comes home he knows what to do.)

Finally, is there any way that I can tie myself up successfully so I can surprised him by being tied up in his favorite chair when he comes home? Thank you for any help and it's okay to post this on the web if you need to!

Hi! Well, first of all, if your neighbor is anything, he is jealous. *chuckle* I am sure he does not think you are being abused. He is probably just wishing that his wife was half as cool and sexy as you are. You are obviously enjoying yourself and that is a huge turn on to most men. (okay, all men...)

You are right; my first thought was a gag. They might seem like a big step but they really aren't. The Latex Stretch Strap Ball Gag is comfortable and works great!!! Scream all you want ... it's really amazing!! Or you just could continue to keep making your neighbor jealous. *wink* Chances are, if you are screamer, you are also a biter. Do you find yourself clenching your teeth when you have an orgasm? Most women do. Gags are great for that reason as well.

For sex with your legs bound, being tied at the ankles, knees, and thighs works great in a forward facing doggie style position. You can also use tether straps, which work great and don't leave rope marks, even if you are one hell of a wild child. This position will also keep you in place if you tend to buck around during sex. It also has the added benefit of an easier climax. Over 40% of woman orgasm with their legs together. This position also works great during pregnancy because it doesn't put extra strain on your tummy area. (Just thinking ahead for you, darling... *wink*!) :)

As for self-bondage, I am working on a how-to with that right now, so stay tuned. It will be posted in our Product FAQ's area. Hopefully soon. :) Gotta do more research! *wink*

Gag kisses and bondage hugs,

Autumn

My BDSM sessions are in various cities due to my Master's career. I must travel to enjoy them. Some of the basic things that we use are obviously not allowed aboard an aircraft, such as rope, so I have to check them in. We're having so much fun with this, and the next trip will be one suitcase full of goodies. I haven't had problems in the past, but if a suitcase is jam packed with “toys”, even if it's checked in, do you think that could potentially present any embarrassing problems? Have you had any experience with this or know someone who has? Thanks, and I love your website – ordered everything my budget would allow. Thanks for the other services you offer as well; I've never seen a website this user friendly!

Traveling Slave

Hi,

I've absolutely had stuff like this happen! Just keep the batteries out when you travel to avoid any embarrassing situations! Rope, small cuffs, and bondage tape work wonders and travel beautifully! Most other leather items travel well, too. It's best to put these things in luggage rather than carry-on, otherwise it could look like you intended to hijack the plane, not just yourself or your lover! *g* I would stay away from airline travel with handcuffs, personally. Though I haven't heard of troubles getting them through in luggage, it just seems that a lot of metal is what makes those machines (and the people running them) freak out. Have fun and play safe!

Big hugs,

Autumn

C'mon - go ahead and send me your own questions! I may not be a world class therapist, but I am your BDSM friend who cares! Besides, the question you might be afraid to ask might be the same issue that someone else is dealing with who is also afraid to ask. So just do it!

I promise not to bite... Unless you want me to!