Is the BDSM Lifestyle for You?

An interest in BDSM can happen overnight or can be brewing for quite some time. But it’s important to know what kind of interest you have exactly. To begin with, keep in mind there is no “right way” to practice BDSM, basically it’s whatever you and your partner enjoy and what you guys make of it, wink*.

Now, back to the interests, if what you want is something like spicier or sexier sex, you are probably not interested in BDSM exactly. This means it’s totally fine if you want to have sex with someone with a tight black leather outfit or want to be called names during sex, go out there and do that, you mix! Wink*.

Now, if you are genuinely interested in the BDSM lifestyle, it’s always a good idea to start by writing what aspects of the lifestyle interest you and what roles are you willing to explore. For example, do you want to serve others or do you want someone to serve you? Do you prefer to experience physical pain or do you want to be the one giving it to someone? Any fantasies you have that have not explored? Any fetishes? Now, these things are not mutually exclusive so you may want to be a dominant but still want to receive humiliation, for instance. Any combination is possible and can be adjusted to the couple and their interests and wants. And yes, while the answer to many of these things could be “I don’t know because I haven’t tried it”, it’s always good to have an idea about the general aspect of things.

After you have a general idea about the aspects you are interested in, you can begin to look for any interested partners in the same line of thoughts. You can do this online, there are great BDSM socialization sites out there that allow you to filter and look for any specific interests; or by exploring some BDSM groups in your local community. Start by creating friendships and connects all around, ask questions to more experienced people and get to really know how the scene really is. Having close friends that practice BDSM will always be a good idea and will improve your life in general, wink*.

Afterwards, you will probably attend kinky meetings. The idea is for you to have fun and see what everything is like. I do have to tell you some things that will make everything smoother in these reunions: first, don’t touch any toys without asking permission from their owners first, kind of like petting a pet you see on the street, wink*. Second, always refer to people as they wish to be called, and third, don’t act as the submissive or as the dominant to someone unless you have negotiated the terms beforehand. See? Easy peachy.

When you are ready to actually engage in play, there are some things you should know beforehand. Playing in a party or with other people (especially at first) will always be safer than playing one on one. And you should be extra careful if bondage is involved. That is why is always a good idea to do it with other people present when you are first starting out with this. When you feel you have enough experience to play on your own but you are meeting someone new, don’t forget to tell a close friend or member where you will be and with whom. Hey, it’s just a cautionary precaution, my love.

Now, before anyone starts to do something to the other one, sit down and negotiate the terms. Discuss what you want and are willing to try and do, just the same as you should also talk about what you absolutely won’t do or try. You should also talk about how hard you like things or how soft and how the order will be carried out. You don’t have to script everything, but as everything is so new, you have to get an idea about how things will go between you two. And always agree on a safe word beforehand. A safe word is there for the sole purpose of being an emergency break or stopping in the tracks. If someone uses the safe word, the play must stop immediately, no questions asked. After things have cooled down, you guys can talk about the experience and why the safe word was used in the first place. Communication will always be the key to enjoyment, wink*.

And finally, remember the whole point is to experiment with new things and have fun. There are no rules about “how it should be”, so don’t be afraid to break the mold or adjust things to your liking, that’s actually the whole point. There are many things in the menu and you will choose exactly what is it you like, wink*.