Meet Astrid & Eben

What name would you like your interview to appear as? (we are always highly discreet!)

Astrid &Eben

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

We have been married for 10 years and Astrid works outside the home fulltime. She considers herself the planner or facilitator of the relationship; while Eben is more of the nurturer or caretaker.

When did you first realize you were into bondage?

Astrid: Since childhood. I was always drawn to the "damsel in distress" or "girl tied to the railroad tracks" cartoons. When I was nine, I wanted to be an escape artist like Harry Houdini. When I was seventeen, it occurred to me that I wasn't much interested in the "escape" part. After puberty, I started to look at that interest in a VERY different light.

Eben: If we're talking about bondage specifically, I didn't have any real interest in it prior to my wife. Widen that umbrella to include a D/s power dynamic and that becomes a much longer trend. All of my pubescent fantasies involved some sort of power play, and so do my adult fantasies. Bondage really serves to heighten that power dynamic aspect of our play for me.

How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.

Astrid: Submissive; maybe with a touch of brat.

Eben: Dominant; occasionally a bit of a service top.

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)

Astrid: I definitely think it's physical for me. I've heard people say they feel safe or hugged while in bondage; and while I understand that, I don't feel that. I just like being tied up. I like the way it feels to be restricted or not able to move.

Eben: It's more of an emotional thing for me. When my partner is tied up and restrained it absolutely makes me feel more confident and puts me in a dominant headspace.

What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?

Astrid: A diversion. I work in management and have to make a lot of decisions in that field. I'm the one who makes a lot of the plans and sets the logistics of things at home. So it's nice to have a slice of my life where I can turn my brain off and let somebody else make all the decisions.

Eben: A diversion. It's definitely a great way to play in our sex life, but it doesn't bleed over to things outside the bedroom often.

Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?

Astrid: Eben is one of the two lovers I've had, and the first one was a brief tryst. There wasn't time for it to come up with the first. But Eben is the one I trusted with my interest, and he was more than interested. He was excited and made me feel totally accepted. It's one of the reasons I married him.

Eben: Bondage wasn't something I explored with anyone before Astrid. It was definitely something I was curious about and was psyched to get to explore with my wife.

Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.

We were far too excited to try bondage together the first time and improvised with silk scarves and the belts from robes. It wasn't a totally negative experience; we were both jazzed to have said we'd done it. But we both wish we had done more research and bought the appropriate gear. That being said, we had fun and plenty of laughs!

What was your best bondage experience?

Astrid: For me, it was the first time we had played with cuffs. Having cuffs on my wrists and ankles for the first time was something I had thought about for such a long time. It also made play so much easier, because nobody got frustrated at a knot that was tied too tight. We didn't have to take time to untie a stubborn scarf. It allowed us to stay in the right headspace all the way through. It was exactly what I had been looking for!

Eben: For me, I have to say it was the first time she wore a sensory deprivation hood. Something about her face being completely covered, while she's blind and helpless, that was absolutely mindblowing.

What is the most creative safe word you have ever used?

Giraffe. Nowadays we've adopted a standard 'stoplight' system. 'Red' is the safe word, 'yellow' or 'mercy' are used as a way to say lighten up.

What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?

Astrid: Definitely trust and communication. But how those two play into consent. I think it's very important that all parties involved to know that they can speak up and stop whatever is going on. But talking about and setting strict boundaries also keeps anyone from getting to the point where they feel like they're experiencing something they don't want.

Eben: Trust and communication. I think it's really important for both parties to be clear about their boundaries and be able to trust that their partner won't violate them.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

Astrid: Communicate. Talk, talk, talk until you've said every word you know, and then talk some more. Talk about what you expect from your partner, what you want, what you don't want, how far you're willing to go. Everything. There's no shortage of things to discuss in BDSM. And do it all as yourself; be honest.

Eben: Do some research. I can't tell you how many stupid, sometimes dangerous, things we did that could have been avoided by doing just a little research. It's important to be aware of any risks and potential hazards involved in anything you're doing. Kink is no different.

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?

Astrid: Definitely my wrist and ankle cuffs and my collar. The cuffs make bondage super easy. But more than that, they're something quick that I can put on that put me into more of a submissive headspace. Plus they're just really comfy.

Eben: I really like the 19" leatherette flogger. It's surprisingly fun to use and my wife enjoys being on the receiving end of it too.

What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?

We're not sure we want to give everything away here. We will say, it's a bit of a *shared* secret.

If you had to be trapped in a tv show for a month, which would you choose and why?

Astrid: Parks and Recreation. I feel like Leslie would help organize a community gathering for kinksters, even if she didn't get it. Ron may not make your more intense bondage gear, but he'll teach you how to do it. And you'd definitely find April topping Andy at the local club!

Eben: Star Trek: The Next Generation. You'd have to drag me kicking and screaming off the holodeck at the end of the month.

Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or a silly knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.

Love what you're into; whatever that is. And have fun!