A note from Autumn
When this letter landed in my inbox, I stopped everything to read it. There’s something so honest, so raw, and so beautifully brave about putting these feelings into words. Especially when those words might feel hard to say out loud.
To the woman who wrote this: thank you. Thank you for trusting us with your story, for sharing why bondage isn’t just “kink” for you, but connection, calm, and joy. And thank you for being our guest here. We appreciate you more than you know.
I’ll admit, I’d never heard anyone talk about the ADHD and BDSM connection quite like this before, but as soon as I read your words, it clicked. The idea of intense, focused sensation quieting the noise of a busy brain just makes perfect sense.
It’s voices like yours that remind me why I started Sub-Shop in the first place; to create a space without shame, where every knot, cuff, and kiss can be talked about openly.
With gratitude,
Autumn
Hi Autumn,
First of all, thank you for making the site feel so woman‑friendly. I almost didn’t click around at first because I wasn’t sure if it was “for me,” but it didn’t feel like some seedy, shamey thing. It felt like it was written for someone like me. So here I am, finally saying this out loud.
I have ADHD. It’s not something I lead with when I’m talking about my sex life, but it’s always been there, shaping how my brain runs. Or races, I guess. I feel like I’m always “on,” like my thoughts are ping‑pong balls I can’t catch. It makes relaxing hard. It makes feeling my own body harder. And then there’s bondage.
I didn’t expect to love it the way I do. The first time my partner tied me down - really tied me down, spread‑eagle on the bed with cuffs I couldn’t wiggle out of - I thought I’d panic. Instead, something flipped. My brain, the one that never stops, actually… stopped. All I could feel was the pull of the cuffs, the mattress under me, his hands moving over my skin. I wasn’t thinking about work or dishes or my to‑do list. I was thinking, yes. More.
There’s something about bondage that’s like giving my mind instructions it can finally follow: stay still, feel this, breathe. The ropes, the blindfold, even the gag sometimes. It's weird, but they don’t feel to me like being silenced or trapped. They feel like being held in calmness. Like someone built a frame just to hold me steady, so I could actually enjoy what was happening to me.
And I’ll admit this part even though it’s a little embarrassing to write: I like the sting, too. The slap of a paddle, the little shock of a flogger, even a hand on my ass. It all pulls me out of my head and into my body in a way nothing else does. It’s not pain for me, not really. It’s like turning up the volume on my senses until I can’t think about anything except the way it feels. It’s… quieting. Comforting, even.
I’ve realized it’s not just about me getting what I need, though. When he ties me up, we talk more. We trust more. We’ve had to, because bondage forces those conversations. We talk about what’s okay, what’s not, what’s a hard no, what’s a maybe. Every knot feels like permission for my mind to shut up already: you’re safe, you’re mine, you can let go.
I don’t feel ashamed of wanting this anymore, and I don’t want to apologize for it, either. I like being tied up because it’s hot. I like being gagged because I love the the freedom of not having to. (Or wanting to speak and only being able to make those sexy little noises he gets off on so much). I like how the marks on my wrists after a night of play make me smile in the mirror the next morning. I let go, and that's so hard for me to do.
So thank you. Thank you for making a place where I could say that without someone twisting it into something that felt dirty. I didn’t know how much I needed this until I found it. And I didn’t know how much I’d love being tied up until I felt the first knot.
Sincerely,
Someone who finally feels like she can say it
If her story has you curious to explore your own, you can start small with one of our Bondage Kits, try the sensual art of Ropes & Restraints, dive into Blindfolds & Sensory Play, or even discover how expressive silence can be with one of our Gags.
