Regardless of being Dom/me or sub, the scene that is set up for a session will play an important role in enhancing the experience. Maybe the best way to think of it in terms of scene is that BDSM is a form of performance, an art. The players want to engage as much as possible to produce a psychological situation that convincingly plays with sexuality and boundaries. Using as many of the five senses as possible will be a great and effective way to get both of you fully absorbed by the scene, maximizing the pleasure both Dom/me and sub will experience. Believe me, I know. *wink*
Location, location, location. Make sure all scenes are in places where you both feel safe and physically charged. The room should be private with space to move around with ease and comfort. Whether this is in one of your homes or in a club is up to the type of energy and mood you are both feeling, and can vary from session to session. My preference is usually my home if I'm Domme, because I have everything I need at my disposal. When I'm sub (switching is oh-so-much-fun *g*), then we usually hold the session at their house, for the same reasons. It's up to you to decide what works best, but I thought I would share some of my experiential insights with you—since I have so many of them!
Costumes are Essential! The type of apparel will vary on the fantasy and specific scene you're setting up. Especially for couples that are not living 24/7 D/s (most), dressing up and moving things away from the Vanilla will make the experience more real for the session, then easier to switch back when the session is over. Costumes wills also allow for both Dom/me and sub to seamlessly go from their daily lives (jobs, routines) into the role. It's fun to choose things like specific sub collars for different scenes (I have a simple collar for certain nights and more wide collars when I'm looking to get a little more strict! *g*).
There's a whole array of wigs to choose from for varying scenes as well, just take a look in the Wig Section of the store. Wigs are, in my opinion, one of the most effective ways to truly become immersed in a scene, and there are plenty available to suit any mood and setting. As far as costumes and apparel are concerned, here is another area where scene immersion can really take off. Beginners might want to start with some sexy lingerie (might I recommend a little ribbon set?) to get warmed up into the role playing. Of course, sexy lingerie has its place even for the experienced role-players, depending on the mood. *giggles* More intense costumes work toward much the same effect as wigs, really contributing to believable scenes (think a school girl costume with a red wig and you won't even recognize yourself in the mirror!).
Setup and Anticipation. Having the sub watch, or even set up the scene a Dom/me is creating for the evening will really help build arousal and set the mood for the scene before any action occurs. If your sub is watching, think about tying them up while you set out the different toys and tools you'll be using. Get creative. Throw a red scarf over the lamp if you think it could enhance the scene. Lighting scented candles (remember, using the senses helps to move a person psychologically from one place to another) might also be effective for certain scenes, or incorporating music.
Another way of going about it would be to blindfold your sub and make sure they can hear (or smell, or feel) the setup happening around them—this is a great way to heighten anticipation and get your sub ready for the night. If you are planning to use a vibrating toy, press it against their skin for a moment to give them a little taste of what's to cum. *wink*
A Word on Safety. In order to keep the experience about pleasure, only the right kinds of pain (you know what I'm talking about…*g*) should be administered. When using bondage, as a top, you're responsible for making sure any bondage you use isn't cutting off circulation or causing muscle strain on your sub. Subs are also responsible for communicating any discomfort. Nothing ruins a session more than an emergency trip to the hospital! Being safe to begin with means more fun later on…
I bet you can't wait to get started!
