What Do You Want in the Perfect Dom

If you are a submissive, it may take you some time finding the perfect dominant for you. And that is ok; we’ve all been there. Choosing someone can be hard because this is a very strong commitment you’ll be sharing, so you want them to be the right person. Is normal to have your doubts and take some time picking one; it’s a big deal!

If you are not entirely sure where to start, you can begin by taking pointers and notes about your past relationships. Do you see a pattern in the people you’ve had relationships with? What kind of person were they? It helps writing down the behaviors, traits and qualities of your previous partners to get an idea about what you’re looking for. You want to end up with a helpful list about the things that worked in your past relationships. And in order for this to work you need to be very honest with yourself, so don’t hesitate when writing down your list! You are the only one seeing the list, be as open and honest as you can. This won’t work otherwise.

Once you have that long list, it is time to focus on the things you need in a relationship. Now, there is a difference between want and need. For instance, I want 1 million dollars, but I don’t exactly need 1 million dollars…get my analogy? You will need to narrow down the things you need in a partner. This can be something like you need to feel safe or need to feel listened to. Write down the things you need in a partner in order to be happy.

When you have the things you need, think about the personal attributes a potential partner needs to have in order to fulfill those needs. If you wrote down “I need to have room for spontaneity in my relationship”, one can assume you will need a somewhat impulsive partner. Or, if you need to have a very physical relationship, you want to look for a caring and touchy partner, just to name a few examples. Try to match as much as you can those things you need with traits you can find in a partner.

This will give you an idea about the things you have to look for in a dom in order for you to be happy and for the relationship to work. You will need to be patient because chances are you won’t find exactly what you’re looking for in your first try. But don’t give up or settle; your perfect dom is out there!

So you will need to ask a lot of questions to find what you’re looking for and that is fine. Take your time when you meet a potential dom in order to really know them for real. And don’t be shy about asking for what you want and need! If you don’t ask, they never know…