Sexual Independence – Claiming Your Own

They say, “you can’t really love anyone else until you love yourself”. And maybe this really applies to self love as well. We all want a healthy sex life. Specifically, we all crave for a life filled with delicious intimacy - not just with others but also with ourselves. After all, how can webe open to anyone about our innermost thoughts and desires when we can’t even be honest and open to ourselves? How do we express our cravings to others when we have no idea of our own? Wasn’t there a wise prophet who said we should all love others the way we do ourselves? Though the prophet was highly likely not at all referring to our sex lives, the same principle does apply. We must first own our sexuality before someone owns it for us.

Claim your sexuality

We mostly express our sexuality through our bodies. How well do you like your self? Do you accept every nook and cranny of your body? Oh, honey you should! It’s beautiful! Welcome your body in all its glory. How? You can start by looking at yourself in the mirror. What do you see?

Do you see love handles? Touch it, feel it, and love it. It’s yours! Have the courage to accept what you cannot change, and the action to change what you can. But it all comes down to first liking your body enough to care for it. Work with what you have because it is the only body you got! Start with pleasuring yourself and you will discover how you like to receive pleasure. Later on, you will also realise the ways you like to give others pleasure. Having a healthy body image is a good start to claiming your sexuality.

Express your sexuality

I understand that most of us grew up being reprimanded for being vocal about, not just sex but, masturbation. If you can’t talk about something as natural as self-pleasure, how difficult would it be to actually do it fun and guilt-free? It is sad that the act of pleasing one’s self has been so stigmatised when it is one of the most natural things to do for our sexual health. Make no mistake though.You do not need to blatantly express your sexuality for all to see and approve of. All you need to do is be comfortable in your own sexual skin. Accept your kinks and your hijinks – yes, we all have one or two of it — and enjoy the freedom of owning who you are.

Live shame-free

Have you ever been open about your sexuality yet were met by frowns or judgmental looks? You may have experienced being earnestly honest about your sexual likes and dislikes but for some reason, some people may not feel as comfortable as you are about your lifestyle. Relax, you’re not alone. Also, you don’t need to be as judgy as other people are. It’s not their fault forbeing less tolerant in talking about sex openly. They may have grown up with the stigma of keeping anything and everything about sex all hush-hush, as if it is something that shouldn’t be talked about – even if it is the one natural thing that got us here in the first place. Let them be. You need not brandish your sexuality outwardly if it would make others uncomfortable. Simply do what you love and live your life – inside and outside the bedroom – free from other people’s opinions.

Have fun

One way to break free from the shackles of sexual stigma is by being with like-minded folks who are open and accepting of your sexuality. Sexual independence is important, but sexual interdependence is what brings your sexuality to the fore. Independence and interdependence is a healthy way to look at intimacy. Being sexually free is fun, while being in a sexually interdependent relationship demands that you have enough awareness to be in control of your sexual satisfaction, while also possessing the openness to give control to others. Essentially, it is having the strength to hold your own while also being comfortable enough to express your vulnerability.

Be free to try novelty

Sexual independence also means having the freedom to experience desires you never knew was possible. Even studies show that doing something new with someone you love and trust releases neurochemicals that further triggers sexual desire. The release of pleasure-inducing hormones further fan the flames of sexual fulfillment. It also means breaking out from the mold most of us have been socialised to follow. If I may, please allow me to recommend – specially if you’re a newbie to novelty – to try some of our sex toys specially made for the beginner in you. Feel free to try it first on your own. Don’t be afraid to experiment and explore! It will help you learn more about your self and what turns you on.

Overall, sexual independence is both exciting, thrilling, and fear-inducing - for most. I acknowledge that it may be difficult for some toflaunt or, at the least, practice due to the stigma attached to being sexually ‘out there’. Add in society’s own judgment towards it and it is understandable to see people preferring to stay silent about their own sexuality. Even now, there are those who prefer to not talk about it. Don’t be afraid to hold the fort and keep on keeping on! I’m here if you need me. Fortunately, there is also freedom in numbers. Count in the numerous readers of this blog as your avid supporter. Be free to be independent sexually! Plus, don’t forget to experience the joy and excitement of being sexually interdependent. Your sexual self will profusely thank you for it.