The Importance of Speaking Up as a Female
Never underestimate the power of speaking up. The idea that women have the rare ability to keep their anger, voice or personal opinion to themselves is so popular that many believe – and sadly too - that it’s what women really do. But fortunately, this is not at all true.
In person, I’m a quiet person. But I have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself especially when I feel there is something I need to express, however trivial it may be. No one should bear the burden of anything unspoken, whether outside and (specially) inside the bedroom. How else would your partner know what you want, or don’t want?
Not saying what I want to say, specially not being able to say what I feel should be said, is painful.
But this seems to be the norm though. Would you believe that an animated movie even acknowledged this as something that commonly happens that it made a joke about it? The Marge character in The Simpsons movie advised her daughter Lisa not to be angry by saying, "You're a woman. You can hold onto it forever." Ouch!
How many times have you been advised to do the same thing? Sweetie, if someone tells you this, I advise you to do the opposite. Why? There are five important reasons why you should speak up.
First reason: it is a stress-free way to live. Who wouldn’t want that? I know I would! Why spend unnecessary energy having to keep in, repress, or hold onto something that wants to be let out? Keeping things to yourself has a consequence – you will feel anxious. And that’s just for starters. Not being able to speak what is in your mind and heart will result to a long list of ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ that could keep you up at night. If you’re still on the fence about having to express yourself, just imagine the anxiety you feel about having to say what’s in your mind, and the anxiety of not having to say it. Same difference, right? Then go ahead and let it out! You feel anxious either way, so just get it out of your system so you can sleep, live, and wink-wink(!) in peace. Trust me, your sex life will thank you for it.
Second reason: you will respect yourself. Deep in your heart, you know how much it hurts to say one thing and mean another. Your mind and body knows that there is a disconnect between what you say to the world, and what you feel deep inside. In some way, a conflict exists inside you, and your soul knows it. One part of yourself knows the truth, and another part knows the lie you made yourself believe. Both cannot look at each other straight in the eye. Your respect towards your self will be compromised. Do something that would help you look at yourself in the mirror.Go ahead and speak up. Your body will thank you for it.
Third reason: you will be better understood. Being honest about your thoughts and feelings will help your lover understand you just as easily. When you are clear and earnest, you partner will easily get where you are coming from. He or she may not agree with your opinion 99% of the time, but they will appreciate you telling them what you really think. A good example is when you are out on a date but you don’t like the plans your lover made. If you bottle up your real feelings, chances are, it will leak out in some form. You could appear disinterested or your partner could feel you are being inauthentic. If you tell your date what you feel or want to do, he might even end up liking your suggestion or both of you can compromise on what both of you want to do so you can meet halfway. The point is that your lover now knows what your likes and dislikes are. He would be careful in making plans next time. He can even make sure that your opinion is now carefully considered in the decision-making process.
Fourth reason: you will like yourself. Speaking up will save you from beating yourself up for being quiet. Stop being disappointed with how you wish you said ‘this’, instead of ‘that’’. One of the ways to be comfortable in your own skin is by being cosy with saying what your feelings are. Staying true to what you feel inside can make you happier and more at ease. If you are more solid in your sense of self, you won’t be easily swayed by other people’s whims and wishes. You can then effortlessly and confidently express your own wants and needs. Trust me, this is very liberating.
Fifth reason: you are telling others how you want to be treated. Not everyone is as cool and nice as we want them to be. Keeping silent when you need to speak up is you giving others the opportunity to treat you bad. Others will see this as a doorway to take advantage of your self-imposed silence. Since they know you won’t speak up anyway, they will highly likely be encouraged to mistreat you. Sadly, they are relying on your inability to speak your mind.
So do yourself a huge favor and speak up, girl! Every time you do, you are building your confidence up one vocal step at a time. You’ll love yourself for it. Your partner will adore and respect you for it. Plus, you are making sure you’ll get what your heart and loins desire. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
