Meet Mr. Neil

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

I am banker in my vanilla life. I have two kids, ages 4 and 7 and they keep me pretty busy when I am not at work. I also have a passion for the outdoors and enjoy golf.

How you best describe yourself? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or FuzzyRainbow Unicorn. Please explain your choice.

Dominant. I am the Dominant in my relationship. My fiancé and soon to be wife is very much a submissive in the bedroom and it is through her trust and our honest communication that I draw my dominance from. I think it is so important to always remember that in any successful Dom/sub relationship it is actually the submissive that has the power and control, not the Dom.

What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?

My primary love language is physical touch. Sex is a very powerful bonding tool for me and the Dom/sub dynamic is critical to that. With open, honest, and 100% truth we have forged a connection that is truly hard to describe to anyone outside of the lifestyle. We are truly only Dom/sub in the bedroom usually, although there are aspects of our “vanilla” life that she definitely lets me lead in. Through everything though if we maintain our sexual lifestyle, we both feel more fulfilled and more loved in our relationship and I think anything that can help a couple feel more connected and loved is worth doing often, no matter what that is. 

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)

I feel it is both for me. The physical arousal is undeniable. There is a rush when controlling someone and their most intimate pleasure, even in pain. Pushing the physical boundaries and always striving to experience new things is something we both keep in the forefront of our communication. We won’t push those boundaries all the time, but we do at least once a week. It is in those moments of weakness and vulnerability that we truly connect again on the emotional level. On top of that connection, our normal Dom/sub lifestyle gives us both great connection and a feeling of being loved for who were meant to be. She allows me to be her Dom and I take very seriously her being my submissive. It is a mutually beneficial partnership the whole way around.

What was your best bondage experience?

My current relationship is my best bondage experience. It is otherworldly to have someone who will literally do anything you want without a moment’s hesitation because of the love and trust you have built over the years. That trust and love is something that allows us to do literally anything either of us desires and truly feel fulfilled in our relationship. It is truly difficult to describe.

How do you feel about the Fifty Shades phenomenon?

The Fifty Shade phenomenon introduced both of us to the lifestyle we now enjoy. Well before we met, we both read the books and discovered in the pages who we both truly were. I will say the books are WAY better than the movies and the movies feel very forced and are not a good representation of the lifestyle.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

Find someone you can trust. There are so many Doms who are not nice people and will treat you like complete shit and downright abuse submissive people. That is very different if you are loved and that is what you need and crave, versus being abused. Trust is the key with any BDSM relationship and without it you will never feel fulfilled because you can’t trust the other person(s) enough to tell them what you truly need. Trust your partner and then grown with them.

Secondly, don’t be ashamed of your needs. Your needs and wants are every bit as valid as anyone else’s. Do not let anyone tell you anything you want is taboo or gross. Find a new partner that loves you enough to take you to the moon and back sexually and show you what stars feel like. 

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from Sub-Shop.com and why?

We enjoy a lot of toys and use them regularly in our sex life. I am not sure one is a favorite over another. We regularly use a variety of anal plugs and vibrators and it is completely dependent on what kind of experience we are trying to achieve. My fiancé loves to be stretched, so usually larger toys are her favorite as long as we can find a balance between pushing her limits and allowing her to fully feel the toy inside her she is over the moon.