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Why Love is Important with BDSM - and How it Inspires Love

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Don’t think that just because I’m deep into the BDSM lifestyle, love has no place in it. Oh honey, if this is what you believe, you are sadly mistaken. Though I do understand why some might think that way, the reality is actually so far from the truth. I want to tell you how love plays a huge part in BDSM. I want to make you understand that BDSM, for all its lovely pain and gorgeous glory, is a delicious expression of love.

How does a BDSM lifestyle inspire love? Let me count the ways.

But wait, what is love anyway?

Love is always concerned about the welfare of the other. It also makes sure it takes care of the self. Being concerned with both the self and other makes complete sense. How else are you going to take care of someone else when you can’t even take care of your self.

Love means having to say, “You okay?”

A usual sub and dom dynamic goes like this: a sub is on his or her knees while being spanked. If there is no love between them, the dom will not care how much spanking the sub is receiving. An unloving dom would spank without thinking how much the sub is hurting. Now imagine the same scenario with love. A loving dom would know when to stop and when to continue spanking. Authentic love fulfills the sub’s wishes as much as much as the dom fulfills his or her own wishes. It is love that dictates how much spanking to give, and how much is enough. No more, no less.

Love is 100% judgment-free

Love requires accepting one’s flaws and kink 100%. It does not frown upon, tease, malign, or say anything negative towards a partner just because their preference is different from the norm. A loving sub and dom dynamic allows one another to grow and develop into their authentic BDSM selves. A dom guides a sub onto the path of where her kink wants her to go. The sub allows herself to be guided by the dom thinking that the dom is serving the sub’s interest. It is equal parts giving. There is not much taking.

Love is equal to pleasure

Love is a feeling that gives pleasure. It is a state where one’s actions and thoughts are focused on making one’s partner feel pleasurable. How does one give a sub pleasure? A sub feels happy when he or she is serving his or her master to the best of his or her abilities. But a sub feels extra pleasured when he or she feels that the master will take care of all the kinks the sub is looking forward to experience. The anticipation and excitement is thrilling, the same way that the actual experience is amazing.

How does one pleasure a dom? It is when the sub surrenders his or her body to the dom. Nothing brings a dom joy than being in control of a willing sub. Both are looking after each other’s sexual happiness. When sub and dom are caring for one another’s needs, they make the most pleasurable lovemaking – or spanking – than anyone could ever imagine.

Love is caring and healing

Because a dom and a sub are into the kinkiest of kinks, it is inevitable for both to enjoy themselves too much that a few marks might be left on the sub’s skin. Of course, this is a normal day in the sub and dom’s deliciously marvellous world. With love, the dom makes sure that the sub is well taken cared of after their yummy hijinks. A dom will reassure the sub via a kiss or a hug. The dom might even have to soothe any wound the sub may have. Meanwhile, the sub allows his or herself to immerse in the experience of devout surrender. Love is when the dom does not take advantage of the sub’s giving up of control. They no longer refer to each other as ‘you’ or ‘me’. They are now united as “we”.

Love is about giving

The loving dynamic between a sub and dom relationship exists inside and outside the bedroom. Giving isn’t only about the kind of pleasurable kink a dom provides a sub, and vice versa. When a dom sees that the sub desires a romantic gesture such as flowers or a candlelight dinner, the dom makes sure these are adequately provided for – and more. The dom similarly desires the sub to be happy. What is a relationship anyway but a way to give love and make each other happy?

The overall conclusion is this, and I don’t care if this is too vanilla for you:BDSM cannot exist without love. A healthy relationship requires love. Anytime and anywhere two people are giving each other what each other wants, that’s love. It doesn’t matter if there is a ton of kink or if there is no kink involved. If one is genuinely caring, concerned, and is taking solid action to give what the other desires, love is there. And whatever love has put together, let no one put asunder.

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