Definition of Basic BDSM Terms for Beginners

If you are starting on the BDSM scene, there are some terms and definitions you may not understand completely. And that is fine, we were all novice at some point in our lives (some longer than others, though), wink*

Knowing what people are referring when they use certain words is key. As a newbie, you probably are constantly looking up as much information as you can to understand a bit better what this is all about. And you should try to read as much as you can; learning is a huge part of the process. Remember: experts are made through learning and exploring.

So, what at all those terms they are constantly coming up? Here is a quick guide for you to have a better idea about the BDSM scene:

• To start with, bondage is a very wide term. It refers to restraining people, either psychologically or physically. As you imagine, restriction can come in many different ways; bondage is the general term to refer to all of those “ways”

• On the other hand, the players are those who are participating in bondage. This includes the ones inflicting the bondage or restriction, as well as those who are receiving it.

• The top is sometimes used as synonym of dominant. This is the person doing the restraining or handling the equipment. They are referred as Master, Sir, Mistress, Ma’am, etc.

• And the bottom is sometimes used as synonym of submissive. The bottom is the person who is on the receiving end of things, meaning they are the ones being restrained.

• The scene is the session or meeting when they are participating in bondage. It usually refers to a specific session; it usually doesn’t refer to larger BDSM lifestyles. The scene is the particular playtime or moment, with a beginning and an end.

• When someone talks about consensual, they are talking about how everyone involved in the scene or play is a willing participant. They both know what is happening, agreed to the terms and take pleasure and joy in doing it.

• A 24/7 deal, means a relationship dynamic that works every day, 24 hours a day. It’s different because usually bondage scenes refer to individual sessions or a particular moment to play. But in 24/7 relationships, the BDSM dynamic is maintained at all times. It can be in a master/slave relationship or in a pet play relationship, for instance.

• If someone wants to be collared it means they want to formalize the relationship between master/slave. It usually occurs in a ceremony, similar to a wedding, where the relationship is celebrated and formalized. Like a wedding, it implies a commitment relationship. In a collaring ceremony, pledges are made and the master collars the slave, meaning it puts a collar on the sub’s neck.

• Like the name suggests, a contract is a written down agreement between the BDSM players. It occurs as a way to finalize and settle down the negotiation process: everything decided between both parts will be written down. It can be as formal as the couple’s want and it will need to include things like the nature of the relationship, the rules within the relationship, the hard limits, the boundaries, the guidelines, the structure and basically anything else the players feel they need to include in writing. It’s important to mention it’s not legally bounding, but it serves as a symbolic process about the BDSM relationship.