Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I am a freelance makeup and hair artist with a passion for healthy living. My daily routine is a mix of business admin (either working on my web presence, networking around town, or making someone feel fabulous about their appearance), working out and cooking healthy meals, and doing all those necessary things around the house like cleaning. I am also preparing to launch a second business for custom-made cloaks and fantasy clothing. In my spare time I love playing Dungeons and Dragons with my overseas friends (via Skype), dancing (burlesque and bellydance), and playing flute.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
At a pretty early age! I came to realize that in movies when I'm most turned on is when there are handcuffs or other such things involved (even in an innocent way, like a villain gloating that he's made the hero helpless). I didn't think much about it, but my first boyfriend was pretty lackluster. One day he decided to try something different and held my hands firmly above my head while we were making out. We both noticed the difference in how excited it made me.
How do you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I'm going to go with Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn. I'm always up for something new! Dominant is fun for when I want to let out my inner temptress, which my husband quite enjoys. I think I would normally lean more towards submissive, but he really enjoys when I'm in control so we change things up frequently. Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn though, because I reserve the right to be in any mood and try anything fun, rather than always doing one role. Besides, pretty colors. And sparkles.
For me it's a bit of both. On the physical side, being firmly held heightens all the other senses. Deprive me of the ability to move and I'll pay extra attention to every way you touch me. Blindfold me, and I'll listen to every sound you make. On the emotional side, it's about deep trust and understanding. I wouldn't be helpless for just anyone, so being able to put myself completely in my husband's hands makes it feel like a deeper connection. Also, it makes it so much easier for him to tease me- and a bit of want makes for some excellent foreplay. I also find that power games turn me on- the idea that someone is cunning enough and strong enough to have their way is appealing.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
It's definitely just something I do for fun! It absolutely spices up the bedroom, but that's where it stays. In private I find dominance play completely enjoyable, but in other aspects of life I prefer to be equal to my husband in every way. The majority of our kinky fun time includes some form of BDSM, but not always. It is an expression of confidence, creativity, and trust.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Some were, but not all. My first boyfriend thought it sounded fun, but I didn't want to with him. When the discussion came up, he immediately started talking about ways to inflict pain on me, as well as including other women. He also never took "no" for an answer even in vanilla play, so I didn't fancy the idea of putting more trust in his hands. Luckily that one never went anywhere. My second and third boyfriends weren't in the least bit interested, in fact didn't even like me mentioning it. My final boyfriend (the one that I married) was delighted to find I had many of the same fantasies as him, and we've spent many fun hours discussing things we'd enjoy doing together.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
My husband and I started out in a long-distance relationship so we had plenty of time to talk about ideas and fantasies before we finally had the chance to be physically in the same room. Since we'd been working up to the big moment for 18 months, we had some time to be prepared. I brought along an under-the-bed wrist and ankle cuff system for our hotel room, and he brought a cute red ball gag and a blindfold. From there it was all teasing, caresses, and an amazing good time.
What was your best bondage experience?
Just one? That's a hard decision. I'll go with the one where my husband had just installed a new hook in our bedroom ceiling. He got out my favourite chrome manacles for wrists and ankles and made good use of that hook. He also used a rhinestone-handled whip, ball gag, blindfold, and vibrator. Definitely my idea of a good time!
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
Since we frequently use gags we don't really have safe words. Saying that, we can both tell the difference between "mmm" (oh my that feels nice) "Mmmm!" (You’re such a tease) "mMmm" (you need to angle that anal toy a little differently) and "MmmmM!" (please stop that hurts). There was also one memorable occasion when I passed out and did some destruction of property along the way (by ripping the hook out of the wall) so obviously I wasn't being very vocal. Now we also have a hand signal that is easy to do while tied up.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Trust! The difference between real-life rape and kinky fun bondage is the trust and consent you have with the person doing it. Even when you're holding the whip, it's about having fun in creative ways. I'm not afraid to try new things because I trust my husband to not hurt me (unless I want him to) and communicate if we're both enjoying things or not.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Communication is key. You might be interested in a fantasy your partner has never thought of, or you might change your mind and decide that something you tried isn't really for you. Also remember that it goes both ways- if there's a fantasy your partner has that doesn't get you really fired up but isn't something you really mind doing, then count it as their turn. It's fun to wow them with desire anyhow. Dominance play might be fun, but it's more fun when you're not worried about your partner accidentally hurting you (or vice versa). Also don't be afraid to ask, "What was your favourite part?" or "What would you like different next time?" You might also find that you start out with a few simple things but your tastes get more wild with time, such as moving from silk rope to chrome manacles.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
There's so many good ones! But I would have to say my chromed steel chained wrist and ankle dungeon irons. They have all the firmness I love with bondage (where's the fun if you're going to escape by struggling?) but they are so smooth and surprisingly comfortable. The added clink of chain is such a lovely effect for the ears as well, and they can be very versatile.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I love the idea of a good dungeon room where I can be tied of with my hands above my head. Right now we have a ceiling hook for that purpose but it only supports 10 kilograms, so it would be a huge turn-on to have something that can take my full weight. A leg spreader bar would be the perfect accompaniment. As a tall girl, nothing excites me quite as much as being swept off my feet.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
A mosquito bit me!
And he bit me again!
What is Eskimo ice?
I don't know but it sounds fun. Ice play in the northern hemisphere? *Wink
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes?
Just remember that BDSM can be all about fun! Despite what some people might want you to think, it's not about degrading your partner or hurting them for fun (unless that's what they enjoy). Let loose and don't be afraid to try new fantasies. Sometimes my husband and I browse the shop just to get ideas for things we haven't done before. There shouldn't be anything actually scary about it- we've both had times where we've said, "not interested" and moved on to what we do like. Everyone is different.