Proven Ways to Get Your Partner into BDSM

Getting yourself to the point of being comfortable with BDSM is one thing. But getting your partner onboard with the idea is a whole other project. First, you will have to address (and possibly overcome) the same issues you may have faced yourself when contemplating this new direction in your sexual play. You may need to help your partner by possibly guiding her through the same obstacles and inner conflicts you encountered.

In addition to these common challenges and obstacles, you will also need to consider some other potential pitfalls when trying to get your partner onboard with the idea of BDSM bedroom fun. The following tips can help you avoid sabotaging your pro-BDSM campaign.

Focus on the Positive

It is critical for you to focus on the positives in this situation. Be upbeat—like a sexual cheerleader. Stress the upsides, as in how these new additions to your sexual repertoire can add a new level of spice to your already great sexual relationship.

You never want to say (or even imply) your current relationship is lacking or you are unsatisfied with it, even if this may actually be the case. Doing so will only make your partner feel bad and cause them to wonder if you have been secretly unhappy with your relationship for some time.

More so, you have just been pretending to enjoy yourself when the two of you hit the sheets. This will have a negative impact on your partner’s view toward your sexual relationship, and will probably make it even tougher to get them enthused about trying something new.

You also want to frame it in such a way to emphasize its mutual benefits. BDSM should be something both of you will really enjoy, so don’t only talk about your own turn-ons. Suggest a few new things in the BDSM realm you think your partner might enjoy. If you can describe the scene in a sexy and vivid way, you might even get your lover so hot they will be eager to try out these new games with you.

Don’t Seem Too Knowledgeable

This is one of those relationship situations requiring some discretion and diplomacy. You do not want to seem like you are the world’s preeminent expert in BDSM. If you and your partner have never explored this type of sexual activity before and you suddenly display a wealth of knowledge on spanking, restraining or equipment like chastity belt, your partner will probably jump to one of two conclusions: either you had a wild past you have been hiding up until now, or (even worse) you’ve been cheating and have learned new tricks with another partner on the side.

To avoid these unpleasant scenarios from popping into your partner’s head, the best approach is to frame this as something you have been curious about and possibly have even researched a little bit online (or by reading books), and would like to start exploring together as a couple. Another tactic possibly to help you broach the topic in a nonthreatening way is to watch an X-rated movie involving some scenes of BDSM activities portrayed in a sexy way.

If you feel your partner might be scared off by anything too intense, look for films with scenes of relatively mild BDSM moves. You can then make it obvious to your partner this is turning you on while both of you are watching. With any luck, they may take the lead in starting a discussion about whether you two should try some similar moves in real life. If not, casually initiate the discussion yourself.

Save the Scary Stuff for Later

You want to gently warm your partner up to the idea of engaging in BDSM play. Start mild and work your way up to wild. If you start throwing around terms like clamps and gags right off the bat, then you might cause your lover to run in fear.

Instead, wait until you have warmed them up by showing how much fun the two of you can have with some milder tactics such as spanking, and then gradually work your way up to the more serious stuff.