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How to Get Your Lover to Dominate You

Life would be so much simpler if you could look at your lover and say, "I want you to tie me up, tell me what to do and spank me like the bad girl that I am when I misbehave." Okay, so maybe some of us can. But it took time.

Introducing the idea of your man becoming dominant in the bedroom can be tricky. You want him to understand that this is something you enjoy and that would turn you on, but you don't want to scare him. It's a tough balance.

Men are raised much differently than we are. They are taught to fight those natural urges to overpower and control the women in their life. They are taught that women want sensitivity and concern and slow, soft and gentle lovemaking. It's not a bad thing. It produces men that don't beat and rape women for sport.

It also produces men that are unsure of how to handle a woman that wants to be dominated. You may find that you get strange looks and creepy stares. It's something he's unfamiliar with. Something that goes against what he's been taught. Something that takes him by surprise and makes him wonder about your sanity.

So unless you are one of us fortunate ones that know the men we are with well enough to know they'd appreciate and get excited by a statement like that, it's probably a good idea to introduce the concept slowly. Sometimes it's just better to show than tell someone what it is they are missing.

One of the best things you can do is the same thing you do in every other instance you want something from your man. Feed his ego. Men like to feel important in some way, and when you point out that importance it makes him feel good. It also makes him want to show it off and please you. How do you do that?

Think along the lines of "you're so strong, I wonder what it'd feel like if you held my arms down during sex," only sounding a little less like a corny porn flick. No, I'm not suggesting you oooh and ahhh over your man to make him give you want you want. Unless it'd work that way.

I'm saying, let him know that the idea of it turns you on. That you like his strength and his power, his bossy side. It turns you on. And you'd like to explore it more in depth.

Or you could try pointing out you'd tried it before and really liked it. Men also like competition. Maybe a good dose of "this one time in band camp…". I'm kidding.

Honesty is always your best option. Share the fact that you are interested in exploring things. That you would like to test out some fantasies and you would like to share the experience with him. But start small. Don't jump into leather wrist cuffs and ball gags just yet.

Perhaps tell him that you'd like to see what bondage feels like. Even the most conservative people tend to be okay with mild bondage. Just don't buy a harness until you see how he feels.

Point out things he does that you like, something as simple as smacking your ass when you walk by. Let him know to be careful or you will end up turned on. It plants the seed that you might like spanking.

It's not the idea of domination that is frightening to men. It's the sudden change from I want roses and candlelight and all night lovemaking. Men need a transition period. And if all else fails, offer to trade fantasy for fantasy. Just be ready to try out some real porn star stuff if you do.

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