I’m not sure why people believe that its easier to find a BDSM partner than it is to find a vanilla one. That is just not the case. It’s not like we have a hotline we call and say “I want a man that will tie me up and spank me, STAT!” and they send over the perfect guy. But that’s a damn good idea if I do say so myself.
Much like anyone else, we search for an ideal partner. Someone that possesses the characteristics that we prefer in someone. It just so happens that being a little kinky is one of them.
What do I look for when I am dating? It’s hard to remember before I was committed to Master; but I think I can give you an idea:
- I wanted a man I could trust. I’m not different than you are just because I am submissive and into the BDSM lifestyle. I want to know when I am bound and gagged that I don’t have to worry about what might can happen. That is why I need to be able to trust the little things as well.
- I wanted a man that was caring and compassionate. If he was more of a tyrant all the time, I’d be concerned that his love of dominance could land him as the abuser in a bad relationship. Since I wasn’t looking to be the next women’s tv drama story, I choose someone that I see compassion in.
- Obviously I wanted a man that was dominant. It seems like the obvious thing, but a lot of people confuse dominance with bossy and controlling. A true dominant man will be a leader. He will be able to make decisions without input. He will be able to do all of this with confidence and without being bossy and rude.
- My ideal dom would be someone that has to take pride in themselves and what they are. They will have confidence and be happy about their choices. If they falter, I am going to have less confidence in them.
- A good dom will also be someone that is patient and kind. Submissives do not always do things perfectly. They need a leader, but one that can offer kindness and work with them until they get it right.
- Like anyone else, I want someone that I am compatible with. Someone that I can enjoy even when we aren’t in a strong game of role playing. This means that I want someone I actually like to be around when things aren’t kinky and exciting.
- I personally enjoy a good conversation. I want a man around that has a head on his shoulders. He should have enough intelligence and common sense to be able to have a decent chat on whatever topics happen to come up during the day.
- One of the biggest things that will attract me to a dom is his ability to maintain control. As a sub, I have encountered doms that would lose themselves in the role play. This could cause them to go too far and too fast at times. I prefer someone that has the time and effort to put into a good time.
- Naturally he will need to be able to have some vision into what he wants. He’ll need to be able to imagine a good scene and carry it out. So imagination comes up on my top ten list each and every time.
- Finally, I’m a big fan of appearance. So I want a man that is able to maintain a nice appearance. I’m not saying looks. I’m saying cleanliness, dress, everything that makes a man appealing to me.
What would be on your list? In what order would you rate the traits?
