Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
I've lived a pretty full experience in my not-so-long lifetime. I started college finally a few years back after a very long hiatus from education and am looking forward to getting my Masters in time. For now, I work an average job at a decent company. Mostly I love art, especially music, movies, and books, in that order. I also love exercise.
It very clearly clicked, I think, when I was about 14. I saw some scene in a movie where a person was tied and gagged and I was very into it. I was not long into being aware of sex and sexuality, but I did know that what everyone else thought was hot was not very interesting to me, so it was great finally finding something that appealed to me in a way I needed.
How you best describe yourself and why?
Dominant, certainly, though I do switch on occasion. I love bending others to my will in BDSM scenarios.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional?
That's a tremendously complex question and I'm not a psychologist. It is obviously physical because, well, it gets me hard as hell. It's emotional too, though, because there is a great deal of trust and comfort involved in doing any such thing successfully and happily, whether with a casual partner or a more serious one. They both feed into each other, ultimately, because the person that will do these things for me and with me physically becomes in some sense indispensable emotionally as it is such a valued part of who I am and what I need. I think that's the best answer I have.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
It's a necessity, really. I'm not a lifestyle-r, but vanilla sex does so little for me it's not even worth my time. It's the release I need, and I'll hold out for amazing sex, thank you very much.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
I'd say yes. While some couldn't accommodate, they've all been very accepting and free of judgment, and most have been into it to some degree (because I'm picky and trust my gut).
Oh jeez, I can't remember. It was probably pathetic. The first time you do anything it's crap. I'm sure I was incredibly stoked, though.
What was your best bondage experience?
I've had so many awesome ones that I honestly could not pick one. I'm happy to say I've made some girls cum the hardest they ever have in their life to that point after showing them the depths of their kinks, and those have been fantastic times.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
I stick with names of fruit, so nothing too interesting. I think a friend uses or joked about using pinecone, though. I like that.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
That everyone enjoys themselves. Life is too short for boring sex.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Communication, Communication. Communication. Whether you can be sexy about it or not, talk about what you want and need--no one can read your mind, not even your beloved significant other! Say yes! Say no! Tell them everything and don't be embarrassed because it is a wonderful part of you. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't like or how you should or shouldn't be. If your partner can't hang then find someone who can, because there is someone who can, trust me.