Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
My everyday life is a mixed bag! I manage a café for my "Nine to Five" job, and, apart from kink, my personal interests are an eclectic hodge-podge of Graphic Novels, Videogames, Movies, Photography, and other nonsense. I am a total geek...and proud of it! I also write, draw, and paint occasionally. I majored in Fine Art/Drawing in College, and one of my drawings appeared in the (now defunct) fetish magazine, "O". Years ago, one of my short stories took first place in a yearly fiction contest for the renowned German fetish magazine, "Marquis".
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I developed an interest in bondage, male domination, and fetishism from an early age. I grew up watching such television shows as the British, "The Avengers" (Emma Peel in skin tight leather...yum!), Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter will always be the best Wonder Woman!), and the 1960's "Bat Man" series (I eagerly awaited every Batgirl episode). These shows and comic books first fueled my early kinky fantasies with bound heroines, but, in those early fantasies, I was always the hero and never a villain. That would become an important point later on, as I have come to find the most satisfaction from a strong woman's willing submission.
It was in my early twenties, however, when I first began my true journey into the "lifestyle". I was a ‘Heavy Metal’ kid in the Eighties and ordered my first item of fetish clothing (lace up, black PVC jeans) from a catalog I had discovered in the back of "Rolling Stone" magazine. The catalog not only featured fetish clothing, but BDSM videos as well. It was then that I realized that there was a whole group of people in the world who were not only having the same fantasies as I was, but who were acting them out! However, it would take me a little while to realize that those videos were a far cry from the reality of a kinky lifestyle, and it was not until I read Warren's "The Loving Dominant" that things really began to "click".
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
I identify as a "Dominant", although I enjoy being referred to as "Master" by a submissive, since the word carries much more power. That being said, I did experiment with a 24/7, Master/slave relationship at one point. It was a tremendous amount of work! All that micromanagement becomes too impractical at some point...although I am sure there are some people out there who are making it work.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional?
It is all of the above! I might even add "mental and spiritual" to that as well. I liken it to the completion of an electrical circuit...at its best, the dominant and submissive each form one half of that circuit, and when they connect, they spark something very powerful that is more than the sum of who they are as individuals. I find my role as a dominant to be very satisfying mentally even if there is no physicality involved in a particular "scene" that I may be playing out. When you find a submissive who is in tune with who you are as a dominant, the result is so fantastic, that simple going back to being "vanilla" is no longer an option.
I also find the rituality of a scene to be extremely important to me. Just as an example, getting dressed (or undressed for that matter) can be a very important part of an encounter, and (as my fellow latex lovers can attest to) it can take a lot of time and care just to get ready for the tiny drama that is a BDSM interlude at its best. The sensation of squeezing into skin tight latex or zipping up into black leather adds to the sensation...the anticipation...the knowledge...that something is about to happen that is different, exciting, and beyond the norm.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
It is a lifestyle that I indulge in whenever I can, even outside the bedroom. I enjoy Fetish Balls and the like, and I will sometimes bring kinky elements into the vanilla world, if I have the right partner for it, in the form of a dress code or protocols which may or may not be obvious to the casual observer.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
No, not always, especially early on. I have had vanilla lovers tell me that they thought my lifestyle was "deplorable" or women who simply rolled their eyes in that "Oh no, not this again" fashion when I tried to introduce them to BDSM. Luckily, I have found woman who were interested, and my life was never the same after that! These days, I will not get involved with any woman who is not "of the faith" so to speak. That being said, I know how difficult it is for a single, straight, dominant male to find a submissive partner as well as build their BDSM skill set. If there was one piece of advice I would give new Dominants, it would be this, "Be patient in your search and don't settle for a vanilla relationship out of despair in finding a partner...it won't make you happy, and you will end up regretting it".
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
Hmmm...bondage specifically? I suppose it began with a set of leather cuffs and a collar I had bought online. I believe I simply cuffed a girl to my bed and had my way with her. I definitely remember first using a leather leash on that collar though...that was very powerful for me. A woman leashed on all fours at your feet is quite an exquisite experience!
What was your best bondage experience?
I don't even know where to start! I have had a lot of great experiences with different women. I will say that, although I enjoy plastic wrap, bondage tape, leather/latex restraints, and a whole host of other bondage gear, I am not fond of rope bondage at all. I was never good at knot tying, and rope bondage looks sloppy to me if one isn't really good at it.
What is the most creative safe word you have ever used?
My safe word has always been "vanilla", so, nothing too creative there. I have learned not to rely too heavily on a safe word though...I have found that some girls will avoid using it because they are afraid they will disappoint you. And if your girl is gagged, which I love doing, then a safe word becomes even more problematic. Always be aware of your submissive's body language. Save the more intense bondage experiences for later on after you have come to know one another better. Buy quality toys, know them well, and be prepared for anything!
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
The power exchange. All the clothing, the toys, the floggers...all of the accessories are just window dressing for the powerful and personal experience that is a good scene.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
I would ask them to go back and read the rest of this interview...haha! I think I interjected just about every bit of my personal philosophy in the previous questions, for whatever that is worth!
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Oh geez, I have no idea. I have bought quite a few things from the Sub Shop over the years....everything from anal beads to collars and gags. I really do like the Sub Shop's ball gags. So many of the gags I have gotten in the past from other companies or the corner adult store are simply too big for the average woman to wear comfortably over a longer period of time. I was able to find a gag from the Sub Shop that was just the right size, and I have derived a lot of enjoyment from seeing it worn!
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I would really like to try some elaborate forms of display, changing my submissive into a form of artwork. An oversized display case...a huge Barbie-doll box, a big canvas to which she is bound and then painted over, or perhaps a vac bed set up vertically with my girl inside it.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
I don't have a favorite "knock-knock" joke, but I do have a favorite "light bulb" Joke!
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A fish!
Get it? ?
What is Eskimo ice?
I haven't the slightest idea...let me google it! Let's see...Eskimo ice cream is called "Akutaq"? Is that what you mean? Hmmm...I will have to get back to you on this one!
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags. Nothing. I am spent! It is time for some aftercare!