8 Common BDSM Myths Debunked

Mention the term BDSM or the words bondage or submission in the wrong company and watch the reactions you get. People will be horrified.

“You mean you allow someone to tie you up and beat you?”

“Abusive relationships are not healthy”

“Honey you don’t have to let him treat you like that”

I tend to just nod, smile and back away slowly. After all, why hang around and listen to yet another group of people with condescending and judgmental attitudes about something they simply don’t understand. It’s kind of like watching one of those singing competitions and there’s always that one judge that makes you tilt your head and say “What? How’d they get on the panel?”

The fact is that not everyone is a fan of the BDSM lifestyle. That is perfectly okay. I would never expect someone to be something they aren’t. Except maybe kids and quiet once in a while would be nice.

But just because you do not enjoy something on your own time, doesn’t mean you should spread incorrect information about those of that do. It’s like high school. Only it’s more serious, and with a vastly larger knowledge base about my sex life.

So today I’m going to clear up a few things that I hear often about BDSM. Some from those that know my preferences, some from those that have no clue and think they are in like-minded company. Here are 8 myths that you may hear about BDSM, bondage and other forms of kinky fuckery.

1. It’s abusive or dangerous

This is probably my least favorite rumor about BDSM that exists. Unless you have actively participated in BDSM in some way, you really do not understand what any of it is about. It doesn’t matter how many books you read, movies you watch or photos you see of scenes; it is still not the real deal. If BDSM is abusive, it is not true BDSM. The real role playing lifestyle is love. It is about a fantasy being enacted. There is trust and respect on both parties. Nothing about BDSM is dangerous if it is practiced in its true form.

2. Women can only be submissive

This is another of those random ‘facts’ that people hear and that can steer them away from the choices. The truth is that anyone can be dominant in the partnership. There are many submissive males out there. The goal is to find what you enjoy and a partner who works well with you.

3. Leather and whips and chains are required

This is absolutely untrue. I know many people that enjoy BDSM, bondage and even discipline without carrying it that far. You can participate as mildly or as wildly as you want to.

4. It’s just a sex thing

BDSM does involve sexual role play, but it is not all about sex. There are many other ways that BDSM is incorporated into a relationship or partnership. There does not always, or ever, have to be sex involved.

5. The dominant person has control and is in charge

Any true BDSM participant understands the falseness of this statement. The submissive has to willingly submit to the partner. They have the options to agree or disagree. They can say no. They can use safe words. In the end, the submissive has the most control, if anyone does.

6. Submissives are weak

I am by far not a weak-minded person. I manage to stay in control and happy throughout my days. I prefer being submissive in some areas. This is true of many subs. We are not weak people. We make a choice.

7. The movies/books explain it well

Ladies, as much as I love my Grey, that is just not true. The books are a fantasized version of reality. That is not what the lifestyle is all about. It’s enough to have brought the matter to the public eye, but it didn’t give an accurate portrayal of it.

8. It’s all about pain

Not everyone who participates in BDSM enjoys pain. Some do and choose to use it. Some do not. And the pain inflicted is an erotic pain and not an “I’m going to hurt you” pain. It’s a vast difference from what you are led to believe.