Meet Tom

Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?

I’m a male Graphic Designer in a medium-sized town, and I rent an apartment with my fiancé. Day to day I go to work, work on my novel, and watch shows with my significant other.

When did you first realize you were into bondage?

I first realized I was into bondage pretty young, once I discovered porn it was pretty clear I enjoyed the bondage stuff the most. Over time my preference got stronger, going from light bondage to a fascination with the entire BDSM lifestyle, especially the 24/7 aspect. To me it feels like it’s the ultimate show of affection to dedicate yourself to another in an adult, consensual BDSM relationship.

Being comfortable being yourself around somebody is one thing, but being comfortable being the dom/sub to your partners wishes is another!

How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.

I’d describe myself as a Switch. I’ve always been interested in submissive women primarily, but that just heightens the feeling of naughtiness if it gets turned around and I’m the submissive. It really depends, but my partner doesn’t share the same interests so I find myself more so trying to get her to enjoy being my Mistress as I feel she’d be more likely to learn to love being a Dom than a Sub.

Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)

I feel that my desire for bondage is more emotional than physical. Obviously the physical sensations can be wonderful, but when it comes to pain it definitely feels like I’m convincing myself that its good, rather than being a natural masochist or sadist.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy it!

Additionally, a key aspect of bondage for me personally is the feeling of helplessness, of truly being at the whims of another close to me, or knowing that I hold that control over another. It’s an intoxicating feeling!

What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?

As my partner doesn’t share the same interest level as I do for bondage and BDSM, it is not a lifestyle for me. I’d love the chance to explore it as a lifestyle rather than an occasional session or lightly sprinkled kinkiness on top of some vanilla-lovin’.

That being said, I wouldn’t ever force a lifestyle onto my relationship unless both of us wanted to give it a real go. In other words, check in with me in a few years and we’ll see if that answer changes!

Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?

I’ve had the pleasure of only being with one woman in a serious relationship. We were high school lovers and the first sexual relationship I’d ever had. I had always been worried that my interests would scare off a partner, but she is understanding and willing to try her best on occasion as either my dom or sub.

So yes, she has been accepting, but not to the levels of interest which I hold for the subject.

Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.

The first true bondage session I ever had was with me as a Dom. I dressed up my Sub and gave sensory deprivation a try. I blindfolded her, put headphones on her, and gagged her. This worked in a couple of different ways, because it allowed me as a Dom to try to do all the things I’d seen, read about, and come up with on my own, all without having to worry about looking the ‘stern sexy Alpha’ part.

For a first time, it definitely helped and it allowed me to be more comfortable in my role. I’d recommend it for first timers, though don’t surprise your Sub with anything they’d hate – communication is important.

What was your best bondage experience?

My best experience was one where I was a Sub, and it was the best simply because while my partner is a Sub she can avoid, in a way, having to play much of a part. A Sub can get away with not being too involved by simply following the wishes of the Dom. Being a Dom however requires an active role, being the one to initiate everything and guide the session. For that reason alone, I enjoyed that Submissive session the most as I got to see my gorgeous fiancé take on a new persona for the sole purpose of pleasing me. That’s love!

What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?

We haven’t been to creative, I chose Pineapple as a stop word once, followed by mustard. Problem is we kept forgetting the words we picked, and if we did use them they entirely killed the mood even if it was just an “ease off” word. Nothing like yelling “Pineapple” while the other person is trying to be serious!

Now we stick to a simple one, green, yellow, red for keep going, too much/ease off, end session (respectively).

What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?

Feeling comfortable with your partner, or depending on your preference, feeling uncomfortable. I personally enjoy the humiliation aspect if I’m the Sub.

It’s a tossup for me between comfort and communication. Both are important, especially if Bondage/BDSM is truly a part of you. You wouldn’t want to ruin your chance at a healthy bondage infused relationship by trying to rush things with your Dom/Sub when they aren’t ready.

What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?

Similar to my answer above, just take it slow. It’s tempting to jump right into it and hit the floor running with butt-plugs, vibrators, suspension, whipping, and collaring, but unless both people feel the same way and have experience, one of you will end up being unhappy and it can make future attempts awkward or impossible. Bondage/BDSM is a big part of who I am, so I would never want to jeopardize that aspect of my relationship.

What can I say, I love it!

What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?

I’d have to say that my favorite gear I’ve gotten so far would be one of the Arm-Binders. It takes a minute to get it on my Sub, but it’s sexy as hell! I’d love to buy more often from Sub-Shop as it’s great value, but regular life usually saps up that money. Doesn’t stop me from ogling over the latest ball gag, collar, or chastity device however!

One day they will be mine!

What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?

I’d love to try out a 24/7 BDSM relationship for a few weeks, just to see what it’s like. Either as a Dom or a Sub, the idea of serving or commanding your significant other for that long is very exciting. It’s one thing to play along for an hour, but a solid week or so? That’s a whole different ballgame.

What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?

I’m a fan of anti-jokes, so this one always gets me. It’s a two-parter:

Why did Susy fall of the swing? -Because she had no arms

Knock-Knock

who’s there?

Not Susy

What is Eskimo ice?

I’m not entirely sure!

Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or more knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.

Bondage can be either serious or fun, or a hybrid of both! It’s whatever you want it to be. Don’t let anybody tell you what’s the ‘right’ way to enjoy the kink. Aside from basic safety stuff, there are no rules other than the ones you and your partner set up.