The Right Way to Tell a Partner of Your STD

The moment you discover you have an STD can be quite shocking. You will probably experience a variety of overwhelming feelings. But at some point, if you start to date or if you are already in a relationship (especially, if you are having sex), you will need to tell your partner about it. Obviously, this is not something you might be dying to discuss, but it is a necessary discussion. This can be quite scary because you think your partner will run away immediately after you tell them, but the truth is you are more than the STD. You are a person and it is rare (even almost impossible) for someone to just leave after you tell them about it. You can just ask anyone or someone who has gone through this.

If you need a little help, I can offer you some advice. The first thing you need to do is have a face-to-face conversation, never ever do it through text, phone or emails. It is a common courtesy to sit down with someone and talk to them about it. Yeah, I know this won’t be your favorite conversation, but you need to have it.

When you decide to finally break the news, make sure you do it in a calm atmosphere. This is not something you should do at a party over loud music, the subway or on your five-minute break from work. Sit down and talk about it for as long as you need. For this reason it is probably best if you do it at their house, your house or at least somewhere private without time restrictions. This will allow them to have an honest reaction, ask as many questions as they want and do some research about it if they feel so.

Once you talk about it, you should be completely honest and sincere with your condition. This means you should tell them how long you have had your STD, how you may have gotten it, or your suspicions, or how does it affect your life and health conditions. It may be a little hard to talk about all of this, but ultimately, your partner will understand what you are going through and will certainly appreciate the honesty.

After you are done explaining everything, tell them to feel free to ask any questions or doubts they may have about the whole ordeal. Usually, they would want to know what it means for them and the risks of them getting infected. Additionally, you can also mention where you have gotten your information through the years. It will help them to have some resources, so they can also do some research on their own. When you are done, leave them be so they can process their feelings. Saying something like, “I know this can be quite shocking, so take your time and let me know when you are ready to talk. You don’t have to make a decision right away,” can be quite comforting. You need to be patient and wait.

In some cases, people will say, “Oh, it’s not a big deal for me.” On the other hand, some will ask you for more time for them to collect their thoughts and think about it. Sometimes people will choose not to move forward with the relationship and you should respect their decision. Remember, there will be others to come later on! Everything happens for a reason. If someone decides to end it because of your honesty, just know it is not personal. They are probably scared and the relationship was not enough for them to take the risk. Also, if you have unknowingly put previous partners at risk, the same principle applies. You need to contact them and let them know you have something important to tell them, this is the golden rule.