Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Business negotiations, negotiating import/export agreements, contract negotiations, extensive litigation/lawsuits, arguing back and forth and discussing/negotiating to resolve litigation or continue litigation, brainstorming with attorneys, businessmen, and others in regards to litigation strategy and business strategy. My daily life can be anywhere along a sliding scale of “laid back with easy money coming in from everybody behaving properly and honoring their agreements” or “lots of drama, arguing, threats of litigation, people not keeping up their end of a deal, differing perspectives on what the terms in an agreement mean, people stalling on a deal, people waffling, dealing with offers and counter-offers.” No two days are ever the same although I sort of make my own schedule and do what I want, when I want, unless I have a commitment that requires me to be in court or to attend to some business matter in person at some set time or to have a phone conference call at some specific time. I enjoy not having an actual boss and ultimately only being responsible to the people I deal with and negotiate with. Occasionally some attorney will ask me to do some project for them “research this and get back to me and I’ll pay you this amount” or, “I have this business dispute, listen to the situation and tell me what you would do” and we bounce ideas back and forth with each other, but I have no actual “boss” in the sense that there is nobody I report to, I don’t get regular paychecks from any corporation that requires my presence from 9 to 5, I don’t have to sit in an office all day every day. In a sense I am a sort of freelance legal/business mercenary and my daily life is usually whatever I want it to be although it is often whatever it needs to be for the short-term project or task I am on. I am not the sort of person who could ever accept having an actual boss that requires reporting on a regular basis and conforming to some established code. If my schedule is clear and I don’t need to be anywhere, nothing is outstanding or up in the air, everything is fine, I want and need the freedom to be able to just pick up and go overseas for 3-4 weeks or to go on a road-trip for 10-20 days. I like the freedom to be able to negotiate a business deal on a conference call while sitting around in a bathrobe. I really have no interest in being an office and being told that my tie isn’t on straight or that my shoes are not polished enough.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
When I was approximately 14 years old watching mainstream/TV bondage and I suddenly realized I had my hand down my pants and was, well... It was the first time I had ever gratified myself and the first time I realized I liked bondage.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Incredibly dominant, I have always been dominant, even domineering, in most aspects of my life, whether negotiating business deals, or pursuing what I want and getting it. It is something my wife told my she was very impressed and pleased with how bold and decisive I was, I told her that I wanted her, I told her I was going to get her, and I got her. She was very shy and had never dated or even kissed before she met me. She said she greatly appreciated how respectful and kind I was to her, how I didn’t pressure her before she was ready [she was extremely nervous her first several times, perhaps more nervous than I was because I knew she was a virgin and I didn’t want her first time to be anything but pleasant for her], but also how I was bold and decisive and was never timid with her. She was also very impressed that I went to one of the most dangerous countries in the world to meet her. It was something that came up while we were corresponding before we met, the fact that her home country is in the top 10 for most dangerous nations in the world barring nations involved in outright wars or civil wars. She was quite impressed that I went to a “viciously dangerous third world nation” for the purpose of “just meeting me” [as she said, she never expected anybody would come to such a dangerous place just to meet her]. As I explained to her, “I’ve gone to more questionable and dubious places for far less important reasons.” It actually wound up being something of an argument, where we should live. This was probably the only time she ever didn’t promptly hop on board and submit to some decision or idea of mine, which was odd for her generally overwhelmingly submissive personality, and we actually had to argue. She thought it might be best if I found some way to shift all of my business operations to her home country so we could stay in her home country. I had to explain to her that as laid back as I am, as bold and risk-taking as I am, I cannot live in a nation with one of the highest murder rates in the world, behind walls, gates, electric fences, with guard dogs and armed security everywhere, because I am too much of a free spirit. As bold, dominant, domineering as I am, I need the freedom to be out and about, exploring, randomly wandering around and enjoying the fresh air without worrying about being kidnapped, mugged, or murdered.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
I think it is more emotional. I like that my woman trusts me enough to submit to me in this manner and to permit herself to be restrained. There is also a lot of carry over of her submissiveness into other areas of our relationship. She told me she likes to feel owned, controlled, and possessed by me and that it helps her know she is loved and cared for. She pretty much listens to me on most matters, she trusts my judgment and values my advice, my opinions, and if necessary, my instructions, although she can be a bit rebellious and assertive at times, she usually asks me what to do and then does what I tell her. She told me early in our relationship that she wanted me to be in charge, this was something she probably sensed I wanted anyway, since I had always taken the lead in our relationship, specifically in initiating the relationship and in going to her country to meet her, and I am older and more experienced in life than she is. She told me that her view of the world and of life is that it would be unnatural for a woman not to submit to her man and that the man should be the leader and boss; I once thought it might be interesting to switch things up and I invited her to tie me up, she categorically and flatly refused and said it was not proper and that she could not do it and that she needs me to be completely in charge and she even calls me “boss.” With that in mind, I have always made a point to solicit her opinion and to weigh her ideas when considering things and I have made it clear that she doesn’t have to do something just because she thinks it has to be done to please me, although she has been quite insistent that she enjoys everything and she grew up a fan of Bettie Page and Dita von Teese and always liked the pinup and fetish models of the USA. She actually has some interests that were new and a bit uncomfortable for me at first. She has a strong desire to be dominated but she also has some moderate masochistic tendencies and wanted me to slap her in the face which I only agreed to do after making sure she really wanted it and that is wasn’t going to hurt her. She had never dated prior to me and had always been very shy and quiet and had told me she had never expected to be able to have her desires satisfied because society is often very judgmental and she understands she and I are technically “unconventional” by many measures applied by a judgmental society whether in my nation or her home country.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Prior to my wife, my romantic life was unsatisfying in most regards, emotionally, physically, all aspects; it was generally dull, boring, uninteresting and there isn’t much to tell that is worth writing about. Things with my wife have been quite satisfying as we are very compatible in all regards.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
My very first experience was basically a clumsy attempt with an early girlfriend and it was not particularly satisfying, either the experience or the overall relationship. I don’t regard it as worth writing about because there was not much to it. My first actual experience worth remembering and worth writing about would be with my then girlfriend, now wife, shortly after we first met. We were in her home country; we had done a number of crazy and exciting things together. She had never taken LSD and it was my idea that we take LSD together, which we did [note- the only thing better than an awesome LSD trip is an awesome LSD trip with somebody you love]. I had never sprayed or painted anything, let alone political protest slogans on city walls, and it was her idea that we go out late at night and spray paint political slogans and anti-establishment rhetoric on the walls, although she did most of the spraying and it was mostly my job to watch for police although the police seemed unconcerned with anything short of murder. It was a few days later at the hotel I was staying at I took hold of her, pulled her over my knee, and began to spank her for having been “naughty” by spraying walls. She asked to be spanked more. I used my belt to keep her hands snugly secured behind her back and I blindfolded her with her own t-shirt. She found this exciting and fun and she wanted to be spanked more and told how bad and devious she had been for being outside spraying walls. After that experience it was obvious to me that she had some clear submissive and light masochistic tendencies and she knew more about what I liked and what I wanted. After more talking she told me she had some particular requests and desires, specifically she wanted to be led around on a leash like a dog.
What was your best bondage experience?
Having my then girlfriend, now wife, properly blindfolded, locked in a collar, her mouth stuffed with her own panties, leading her around on a leash [the leash and collar were her idea/request] before repeatedly spanking her and mounting her. Her gag was only removed when I wanted to use her mouth. Since she likes leather I made a point to get her a leather straight jacket and she was the zipped up into it and given more spankings before being used again.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
Since I usually have made it a point that her mouth is either stuffed with a gag or otherwise occupied, the safety word concept has been more of a tune or humming, I told her to hum a distinct tune, such as the national anthem of her country, or anything distinct such as some song that we both know, if not able to hum to tap two or three times in a row with a foot.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
For both to have a satisfying and fun experience, for each of us to enjoy their aspect or their role and to bring the two closer together. There is a certain trust level inherent in any sort of sexual experience, particularly where one person is restrained. The trust in the relationship is enhanced by satisfying bondage experiences.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Avoid being shy, be open and get your partner to be open about what they want, and what the expectations of both are.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Leather straight jacket, my lady likes leather and I like her restrained and exposed to whatever use I have in mind for her. It is good for both of us.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
Using remote controlled vibrating panties to torment my lady to the edge of orgasm and then push her over into orgasm in a public or semi-public setting.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
“Police, Search Warrant!”
“Wait, when did you guys start knocking?”
[more of a lame criminal defense/legal joke]
What is Eskimo ice?
Sounds like a product that has limited uses and would require a slick salesman to move if the target market was the eskimo community.