Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Remarkably normal, I’m sorry to say. I’m self-employed, so I never quite know what the day will hold as far as work goes, but it’s hardly anything sexy. When things are slow, we like to enjoy our time by going out around town or traveling. When we are home, we try to take it easy; pull weeds from the garden and flowerbeds, and all that other mundane stuff. Of course, a slow day also may present opportunities for something not so vanilla.
I’ve had bondage fantasies since I was a young child. Really, as far back as I can remember, there’s always been something titillating about it. I have no idea if that’s just the way I’m wired or if something happened prior to my memory. Frankly, I do not care, as it’s never been a problem. I quite enjoy it.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Dominant, with a very mild switch streak.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
Physical, I suppose. While there certainly is some emotional desire, it’s overwhelmingly physical. To be more precise, it’s the sensual, sexual aspect of it that drives my desire. I have very little interest in bondage outside of a sexual, sensual context.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Some have been, and others have not. I’ve never been with anyone that was repelled by the idea, but I have been with some that simply had no interest in it.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
Well, we can go waaaaaaay back to childhood, when I would find whatever opportunities I could to tie up girls, whether peers or babysitters. In fact, I had a babysitter that might’ve enjoyed it a little more than she should have (heh heh). I don’t mean to imply that she crossed any improper lines with me or asked me to do so, because she most certainly did not. It was innocent from that standpoint, but she obviously got off on being tied helpless, and she wanted to be truly tied, hand and foot. I certainly was titillated greatly, as well, even if I did not have the first clue what to do about it. I quite value those experiences, really, as she taught me a few lessons about safety and security that I still practice today. Shoot, when she brought a friend over sit with her, I got to experience my first “threesome” (ha-ha; still quite innocent, mind you). Needless to say, I requested her all the time.
My first sexual experience with bondage happened in college. I had been dating this girl for a month or so, and I somehow got her to agree to let me tie her hands. Honestly, I do not recall how I went about asking her. I do not remember that part, but I remember what we did. It was just a simple cow hitch (lark’s head) with a red bandana around her wrists with the ends then tied to the headboard. It was hardly strict as she could slip right out (and did when we were done—a bit of a buzz kill). We both enjoyed it, though, and we went on to have quite a few bondage experiences.
What was your best bondage experience?
Oh, gosh. I have no idea. I’ve been fortunate to have many fantastic experiences, and things seem to be getting better all the time. It seems that getting older also means getting bolder. I’ve done a few things over the last few years or so that I never would have dreamed about at one time.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
All right, this is funny, but I do not remember the actual word. I remember the scene, though. I was with someone that I had never played with before. I always give my partner the opportunity to come up with her safe word(s), and hers was something far off the wall. I remember repeating it and commenting that I certainly didn’t need to worry about that one coming up accidentally, which (of course) is the point. She was very experienced, so I was happy to go along with it, and we had a great time.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Everyone needs to be into what is happening. As a Dom, it is my duty to make sure that my partner is not only safe but also excited. It’s not just her safety that is in my hands, it’s also her pleasure—her enjoyment. That sort of enjoyment only comes from proper attention to safety and proper understanding (or discovering) what buttons to push to really turn her on. I take that responsibility very seriously, and I enjoy it greatly. When everyone is into the scene, then the energy just builds and builds. However, if one participant is not into it, the energy just dies, and that’s a lousy way to spend time when you’re tied up or have someone in that position.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Communicate A LOT with your partner not only during a session but also before it. That’s especially true if you are with someone that also is not experienced. Everyone needs to be on the same page. Talk exhaustively about limits, fears, concerns, fantasies, and desires. Some of that might seem tedious, but it’s critical. During a session, keep communicating. If you are Dom, watch and ask how your sub is doing. If you are sub, do not hesitate to say something or use a safe word if you need to stop, slow down, or just think something might be going wrong. Yes, of course, everyone likes to be excited about what might happen. However, that excitement goes away in a hurry if something goes south and the Dom does not know how to react. On the other hand, that excitement is only enhanced by a comfort level and confidence that comes from a crap load of communication. Once you get to know each other, communication
Take advantage of all the wonderful resources on the Internet when it comes to safety and fun ideas. When I started out, there was very little out there with regard to proper, safe bondage practice. There were a few books, but you had to know where to go find them (if you even knew they existed). These days, there is so much excellent information out there, free for the taking. There is no good reason at all for anyone not to understand such things as what makes bondage material, how to tie a proper knot, how to do proper one and two column ties, how to avoid choke hazards, the “one finger rule,” keeping a proper cutting tool nearby (i.e., medical/surgical shears), and all that other highly important stuff.
But at the same time, understand that the photography, films, and especially the graphic art and stories you can find on the Internet are not real. They may be incredibly exciting and lovely art, but they tend to do a lousy job of showing what real life bondage is like. Don’t let that get you down, not one bit. Real life is pretty damn good—much better than any photo you’ll ever stare at. I would much rather have an experience than a photo or film clip, even if the experience wouldn’t make for much of a photo or video.
Take it slow. Take it easy. Start simply. You have your whole life ahead of you to try things. There’s no substitute for experience, and you don’t have that when you start. No matter how taken you are with strict ties, predicament bondage, or suspension, don’t even think of starting with that sort of thing. Always remember the key words: safe, sane, and consensual.
As an illustration of much of the above advice, let me tell you about a particular sub I play with from time to time. She likes things to get quite intense. Of course, she has her limits, but it’s difficult to communicate in words a concept such as “I like it hard, but not too hard, you know?” The first time we played, I took things very easy. We enjoyed it, although both of us knew it was more of a “feeling out” session. The next time, I turned things up a little, but still well short of where I thought the line might be. We enjoyed it more. Each time, things got more intense and, eventually, I learned to tell when she is coming to her limit. Now, I know her limits very well, and we both can play with that confidence. The best part, is that we both had a great time getting to that point. Had I gone too far right off the bat, we would have had very different experiences, and I expect things would not be as good as they are now.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Oh, why don’t you just ask something easier, like what was my favorite orgasm? Truly, there is so much great stuff available on the site. I could look through it all day and spend a large fortune.
However, something I’ve recently come to love is bondage tape. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s comfortable, and it works great! Toss a roll in the luggage, and we’re all set.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I can hardly believe it, myself, but in nearly thirty years of practicing sexual bondage, I’ve never done anything outdoors. I want to fix that, and I’ll probably get a very good opportunity to do so very soon.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Cow go who?
No, silly. Cows go “moo,” not “who”!
What is Eskimo ice?
The Google don’t know, and neither do I.