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Top Reasons to Delay Sex When Dating

Dating is hard enough as it is, so figuring out the right time to engage in a sexual relationship can make you question everything about life and everything else (although this may not be totally true…isn’t the answer always 42? geek reference, sorry, couldn’t help it *wink*) But for real, almost anyone who has experienced dating is aware of the hard realities and the confusing middle part when you are not sure if you should go for it and put sex on the table or if it is too soon and you will be rejected, has anyone ever successfully recovered from it? (If you have, please let me know what your M.O. was *wink*)

If you are guided by science, then you should wait at least three months before having sex with a new partner. In these modern times, when we tend to get used to immediate things, the time period may seem too long. But science has a reason for it and here’s what it is. Relationships built on instant sexual pleasure create a sort of ‘pleasure addiction’ in the brain. As any addiction, you will experience lows after a while. The lows can be translated to loneliness and depression, thus creating a negative impact in your relationship. So, according to science you should wait a few months in order to build your relationship on things other than sex. For instance, common interests and having the same sense of humor will be a better basis for you in the long run.

It basically boils down to having a connection with one another. The connection can come in different ways. If you get rid of sex in the dating equation, you will be left with having to find other things in common. For example, if the two of you love playing tennis, you could sign up for classes or enjoy games playing against each other or playing as partners in matches. Let’s say you both like to cook, try figuring out a recipe, then buying the ingredients and cooking side by side may be great bonding experience. It becomes extra special when you eat something you have created together. Those kinds of experiences create a special bond over time, so when you finally have sex it will be extraordinary because you will already have a connection. Some say it becomes even more intense since you are having sex with someone who is your close friend. Feelings intensify everything, which is not always a bad thing!

However, you can also go for it if you are having a wonderful first date. Sometimes you have a special connection from the start and you simply don’t want the date to end. Science says it is rare for relationships based on sex to last long. Then again, everyone is different, so if you feel something special there (other than just physical attraction) and you believe it could lead to a bigger relationship, there is no written rule saying you shouldn’t have sex on the very first date. In other words, it is not always a black and white subject.

This leads to my final point: you should have sex if you want to have sex. No matter what science or other people may say, everyone’s case can be different. If both of you want to move forward with it on the first date, on the second date or six months after you’ve been dating, by all means go ahead and do it.

The most important thing is both of you are on the same page. If you want to have sex right away and your partner wants to wait until you have known each other longer, then you are not on the same page. This means you may not be sexually compatible. Now, this doesn’t mean one of you will have to comprise (sexual compatibility can be worked on.) Sometimes the values and nature of a person make it impossible to have a relationship as there is no way to reconcile them with your own beliefs. If this happens, then it is ok. Always remember there are plenty of fish in the sea

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